Did I Leave the Cage Unlocked?!

Italian Restaurant Finds 6 Gnomes on Roof

from The Associated Press

BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Six garden gnomes arrived atop Poppi's Italian Family Kitchen about the time of the summer solstice — facing the sunrise — and the restaurant's owner says it's OK for them to stay.

"We've noticed there's fewer pigeons. We think they're afraid of the gnomes," owner Dan Perryman said Thursday.

Perryman suspects area teenagers placed the gnomes atop the restaurant; no employees have admitted taking part in the prank.

Sinbad?Argonauts?!Titans?!?Harryhausen Still Making Movies from the Grave!What?! He's Not Dead?!

New Harryhausen Movies Due

from Sci-Fi Wire

Legendary visual-effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen's unproduced works may see the light of day now that independent production company Mindfire Entertainment has optioned the material for films, Mindfire's chief executive officer Mark Altman told SCI FI Wire. "We respect Ray Harryhausen," Altman said in an interview. "So when the opportunity came to get involved, it just seemed like a natural fit. To finally see these things come to the screen is very exciting."

The deal with Mindfire allows for four films to be made under the "Ray Harryhausen Presents" banner and will draw on ideas Harryhausen has had over the years for new Sinbad, Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans movies, as well as a science fiction concept called The Elementals. The deal also includes projects that have "lost world" and "alien invasion" themes. (Mindfire is best known for inexpensive independent genre films such as House of the Dead and Room 6, as well as the theatrical releases Free Enterprise and The Specials.)

"Some of [Harryhausen's] ideas were extremely well thought out," Altman said. "Others are just log lines and notions that Ray was noodling over. Our writers will expand upon these concepts, in consort with Ray, into full stories."

Altman said that the deal initially allows for four films, but could go beyond that number. Altman added that Harryhausen will be actively involved in the development of stories and will oversee special effects. "What he did for his films in the past is what he will bring to his films in the future," Altman said. "It will be Dynarama for a new era. We suspect that a lot of the effects for these films will be done in CGI, but they will contain a feel that will be true to the classic Dynarama process." Altman said that the first film will most likely be shot this fall and will be released sometime in 2007.

Harryhausen is known for his groundbreaking visual effects in films such as Mysterious Island, Jason and the Argonauts, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad and Clash of the Titans. In 1992, Harryhausen received the the Gordon E. Sawyer Award from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, presented to an individual in the motion-picture industry whose technological contributions have brought credit to the industry.

In >related news, Harryhausen will be working in a consultant capacity with San Diego-based Legend Films on the colorization of director Merian C. Cooper's 1935 film version of H. Rider Haggard's novel She. Harryhausen has also signed a contract with U.K.-based trading-card company Strictly Ink to put out a series of trading cards featuring images from his films, as well as preproduction art. No release date for the card set has been announced.

My Vote: Crispin Glover

Too bad Cyndi Lauper can't act. And that she's, like, 87 or something.

Robin Williams as Joker in Batman Begins 2?

from Cinescape

In a recent interview with IGN, Robin Williams talked about the possibility of playing Joker in Batman Begins 2. While it is all speculation and the role is yet to be cast, it was an interesting interview.

Favorites for the role have not previously included Robin Williams name, but he does have ties with director Christopher Nolan. As such I wouldn't quite rule out the possibility, just take the news with a grain of salt.

Some interesting quotes from the IGN interview:

"Oh God, I'd love to do that one," Williams said regarding playing the Joker.

Williams is famous for his Jack Nicholson impression, but he suspects Nolan would be looking for a new take. "Well, you want to do a different Joker. You know, if they do Arkham Asylum, it would be amazing. Arkham Asylum is one of the greatest, nastiest comic books ever. It's truly, it's like the Marquee de Sade on that level, and wonderfully damaged and quite tragic, in terms of when you realize [what happened to] create these characters..."

Other actors mentioned as possibilities were Adrian Brody or Paul Bettany. While it seems Bettany was looked into regarding the part, news suggests that it is unlikely he will get the role.

The Little Teaser Trailer

The Amazing Spoiler-Man

Spider-Man 3 Story Spoilers

from Dark Horizons

A few months back came some script spoilers from the upcoming third Spider-Man film, spoilers which lasted for all of half a day online before Sony forced the article's removal. Now similar spoilers have gone online over at filmick and highlight the context of many of the shots in the trailer (SPOILERS AHEAD). No word how long they'll stay online but they do sound cool and very ambitious.
Amongst the revelations:

Before getting on Peter, the symbiote (the black oil substance) has a rather 50's sci-fi origin (ala The Blob)

In a church bell tower, Eddie Brock (Topher Grace) follows this black Spidey character and sees Peter ripping himself free of the suit - some of which falls onto Brock, causing him to "become" Venom.

For most of the film, Spider-Man is in pursuit of The Sandman. Harry as the Goblin (sans mask) fights Peter early on and returns at the end to aid him in the final confrontation with Sandman and Venom at a construction site.

"Dark Spidey, as it were - Peter before he has overcome Venom - is the one who courts Gwen Stacey. Problems in the relationship with MJ, as well as professional issues compound to bring him down. Even downer than last time. That's how Raimi, Sargent and co are using Venom - as a dramatic device to show Peter not just giving up on his great responsibility, but getting drunk on his great power."

There are scenes inside Curt Connor's lab, where he studies the symbiote, and these scenes are also used to set up the research that will, in the character's story - though not in this movie - turn him into The Lizard.

The Black Cat does not make any significant appearance in the film, despite existing, on paper, in various earlier conceptions.

And the fourth villain? "Makes only a fleeting appearance - Bruce Campbell's character this time around is Quentin Beck, known to fans of the comic as Mysterio."

For more details, including who lives and dies, click here.

3D & D

Dragonlance Animated Movie News

from Cinescape

Toonz Animation, a huge Indian animation company, Commotion Pictures and Epic Level Entertainment are teaming up to produce a Dragonlance animated film to be distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The screenplay was reportedly adapted from Dragons of Autumn Twilight by George Strayton.

Lucy Lawless, who will voice Goldmoon, posted the following on her site:

I just did the voice of an animated cartoon for Paramount, called Dragonlance. Obviously it's a fantasy story, with gods and monsters. I never felt I nailed animated performance before, so wanted to get a handle on it.

I played a character called "Goldmoon," a Native American. We played around with accents awhile. I didn't know she was Native till I got there and so didn't have time to research the accent (not many of those where I come from). More staccato! More commanding! More warm! Less disjointed!...Ummm, do you just want me to do Xena? Ahh, yes! That's it, do Xena! The voice is perfect! So warm, so commanding, so...yeah, yeah, let's get on with it.

It was actually really fun. At last I have done something my friends can actually watch. My son is gratified that I am not playing a bad guy. He can't stand me going to BSG every day to be mean to humans.

Oh well, it's a living!

Other characters that have been cast: Michael Rosenbaum will voice Tanis Half-Elven, Jason Marsden will voice Tasslehoff Burrfoot.
The animation for the film will be a 2D/3D hybrid style which should look similar to that of the Dragonlance comics.

The studios are targeting a PG-13 rating. Previously reported possibilities for a Dragonlance movie, including a Canadian-based film and/or a Henson Muppet project are dead in the water.

Army of the Dead

Zombie Soldier Escapes!

from Sploid

A mysterious empty military casket was found in the Arizona desert near Tucson on Saturday, fueling local fears that a zombie soldier may have escaped.

Two men found the silver coffin in a pile of trash near Interstate 10; the men were reportedly "playing paintball" in the desert.

"When deputies arrived, they opened the casket expecting to find a body but did not," KVOA TV reported. "Instead they found hair and fluid."

Pima County Sheriff's deputies identified the empty casket as belonging to the U.S. military, which they found "particularly suspicious."

"Put out a nationwide broadcast to see if anyone anywhere in the country is missing a military style casket and the body it contained," Lt. Bob Kimmins demanded.

The odd tale took an even stranger twist on Monday, when the same TV news program claimed the casket had been sent to a garbage dump by a mortuary - because the missing soldier's family dug up his coffin, removed the corpse and burned it.

No explanation or evidence was offered for this bizzarre claim, and neither the soldier nor the alleged family have been identified.

"The Pima County Sheriff got a call from the mortuary who said they thought the casket was one they had taken to a local landfill," KVOA reported Monday. "Employees at the landfill also say they had a casket stolen."

It was unclear whether the second "stolen casket" had anything to do with the original empty casket found in the desert, or exactly what kind of landfill keeps inventory of the garbage dumped and buried there.

Just as mysteriously, the "landfill" and its employees have not been identified.

The weird news comes as families of pagan troops killed in the U.S. occupation of Iraq demand the right to bury their loved ones under a magical pagan symbol.

The Veteran's Administration has never authorized the use of Wicca's pentacle on grave markers, even though it allows the use of symbols from 38 other beliefs, including obscure or possibly fictional religions such as Ixumo Taishakyo, Soks Gakkai, Aaronic Order, Seicho-no-ie and Presbyterians.

The online group Military Pagans says Wiccans have been trying to get their symbol recognized for a decade, but VA bureaucrats have yet to simply approve the pentacle.

Some find it ironic that American troops serve a Pentagon - the heart of every Wiccan pentacle - but aren't allowed to have a pentacle mark their final resting place.

The unpopularity of the deadly Iraq occupation has forced the White House to come up with endless schemes to keep troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Stopgap" policies keep soldiers stuck in Iraq long after they were supposed to get out of the service. Miserable recruitment levels have led the Pentagon to start taking the true dregs of society: imbeciles, criminals, the retarded and the elderly.

The Defense Department can't make its new robot soldiers fast enough, and the government's obvious desperation has fueled rumors that "undead soldiers" are being tested and even deployed.

The deep unease about zombie soldiers was expressed by "Uncle Sam," the groundbreaking Isaac Hayes film about a 1991 Gulf War soldier who was killed by "friendly fire" and returned to America as a zombie dressed as Uncle Sam to wreak vengeance on hippies and other people who weren't patriotic.

The 1974 classic "Deathdream" told a similarly poignant tale, in which a Vietnam soldier comes home after being killed in battle. Angry about the war, the undead soldier is also "cursed with the need to kill and inject the blood of others in himself to keep from rotting away."

But most Americans know about the government's zombie troops from the popular Universal Soldier movies of the 1990s.

It Reminds Me...Of Something...

What Is It?

from Sploid

A bizarre pear-shaped object has been photographed zooming around Saturn by NASA's Cassini spacecraft.

The Cassini mission has already captured striking images of the ringed planets many moons, but this strange thing has yet to be identified.

Beyond its weird pear shape, the enigma has a single "eye."

Only this cryptic explanation was offered on the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory site where the image appears:

"N00061934.jpg was taken on May 23, 2006 and received on Earth May 24, 2006. The camera was pointing toward TETHYS at approximately 509,689 kilometers away, and the image was taken using the CL1 and CL2 filters. This image has not been validated or calibrated. A validated/calibrated image will be archived with the NASA Planetary Data System in 2007."

The space thing was photographed in other positions, as well.

Oh, of course. It's the Shmoo.

Twinkie Sushi?!(I Just Threw Up a Little)

This photo provided by Ten Speed Press shows the cover of The Twinkies Cookbook: An Inventive and Unexpected Recipe Collection. The book is a 75th anniversary event for Twinkies. Among other joys it guides sophisticated cooks to Twinkie Sushi, and comfort-food devotees to Pumpkin Twinkie Bread Pudding. (AP Photo/Ten Speed Press)

'Query: Did You Really Think You Could Lie to Me, Pathetic Human?'

Robots Read Your Mind!

from Sploid

They mop our floors, vacuum our rugs, feed our dogs, have sex with us, break up dangerous World Cup fights, clean our pools, perform disgusting surgery on our bodies, and even defuse bombs for our cowardly police.

No, they aren't illegal aliens - these slaves are actually robots.

The robots are everywhere. And in a shocking development, they've learned to feel pain and anger.

Worse yet, they've learned to read our minds.

The new "empathic" robots will be displayed for the amusement of humans at the Royal Society summer science exhibition in London next week.

"Our research could enable websites to tailor advertising or products to your mood," said Peter Robinson, a mad scientist from the University of Cambridge.

"For example, a web cam linked with our software could process your image, encode the correct emotional state and transmit information to a website."

Or, more chillingly, it can figure out when you're most vulnerable to robot attack.

Experts warn that the robots will rise up - it's a matter of when, not if.

The Pentagon is well on its way to creating a fully robotic army. There are already 2,500 robots fighting Washington's wars, and thousands more will be on the battlefield by the end of the year.

As the androids become smarter and faster than humans, there will be little hope for humanity once the robot armies turn on their makers.

One of the most disturbing techniques of the new robots was revealed last month, when U.S. soldiers in Iraq admitted the robots had won both the trust and affection of the troops.

The only way to survive the robot uprising, experts say, is to fight as dirty as a robot fights.

"Have no mercy," advises anti-robot expert Dr. Daniel Wilson. "Your enemy doesn't."

The Second Coming of Zoidberg

Futurama Resurrected by Comedy Central

from andPop

Matt Groening's other animated series, Futurama, has been given a new life by Comedy Central, three years after the show last aired on prime time.

E! Online reports that the former FOX program has been picked up for a minimum run of 13 brand new episodes, to begin airing in 2008.

"We are thrilled that Matt Groening and 20th Century FOX Television have decided to produce new episodes of Futurama and that Comedy Central will be the first to air them," said Comedy Central's senior VP, David Bernath.

Comedy Central purchased the syndicated rights to the show's 72-episode library last year.

File Under: 'Stories That Made Me Giddy for Reasons I Can't Explain'

Pluto's Newest Moons Named Hydra & Nix

from Space.com

The International Astronomical Union has officially christened Pluto's two newest satellites Nix and Hydra.

The tiny satellites were discovered by the Hubble Space Telescope last May and are believed to have been formed from the same giant impact that carved out Charon, Pluto's third satellite, discovered in 1978.

The names were proposed this spring by the team that discovered the satellites. Before the satellites received their official names, the satellites were called P1 and P2.

In Greek mythology, Nyx was the goddess of the night and the mother of Charon, the boatsman who ferried souls across the River Styx into the underworld ruled by Pluto. The IAU changed the spelling to "Nix" after the Egyptian spelling of the goddess to avoid confusion with two asteroids that had already been named "Nyx."

The outermost of Pluto's two new satellites is named after Hydra, the nine-headed mythological serpent that guarded Pluto's realm.

"We thought it was an appropriately scary image to be the guard at the gate," said Alan Stern, an astronomer with the Southwest Research Institute who led the team that initially discovered the satellites

Stern said that the team also considered the name Cerberus, the three-headed hound who also guarded the gates to Hades, but rejected it because many people associate Pluto with the Disney cartoon character, and having one object in the system named after a dog was enough.

'Give Me Meatloaf or Give You Death!'

'Didn't I just tell you to take out the fucking garbage?! Hold out your hand.'

Wife Accused in Swordplay Death of Husband

from Reuters

BEIJING - A Chinese woman has been charged with accidentally killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make her dinner, the Shanghai Daily said on Tuesday.

Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swordsmanship since she was young, had often forced her husband of three years at swordpoint to carry out her demands.

On March 3, her husband, Li Weidong, refused to cook dinner because he was late for work.

Police said Tang picked up her sword and put it on Li's chest and promptly slipped, stabbing Li by mistake.

Li died in hospital from loss of blood.

Tang was arrested Monday and charged with manslaughter.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 70119: Simian

Indians Tail Monkey Man in Search of Healing Powers

from Financial Express

KOLKATA, India: Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished village in West Bengal to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a "tail."

Devotees say 27-year-old villager Chandre Oraon is an incarnation of the Hindu god Hanuman - worshipped by millions as a symbol of physical strength, perseverance and devotion.

"He climbs up trees, behaves like a monkey and is a strict vegetarian, but he is no god and his condition is just a congenital defect," says Bhushan Chakraborty, the local medical officer.

Tucked away in a hamlet in Banarhat, over 650 km north of Kolkata, devotees wait for hours to see or touch Oraon's 13-inch tail, believing that it has healing powers.

Doctors said the 'tail' - made up of some flesh but mostly of dark hair - was simply a rare physical attribute.

C-3POral

Robot Sex Rules!

from Sploid

Having been lulled into a false sense of security about our ability to confront a robot uprising, scientists have begun to concern themselves with other questions. Like "When it comes to robots, how sexy is too sexy?"

Ironically it's an international team of scientists and academics - perhaps the most sexless demographic this side of a nunnery - that will be compiling a code of sex robot ethics.

Gianmarco Verruggio of the Institute of Intelligent Systems for Automation in Genoa in Italy, is leading the project.

"We have to manage the ethics of the scientists making the robots and the artificial ethics inside the robots," says Verruggio.

Henrik Christensen is among those aiding Verruggio. He says the committee's worries are quite simple.

"Security, safety and sex are the big concerns," said Christensen.

The team is well versed in Isaac Asimov's three laws of robotics:

1. A robot may not harm a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

But how do these rules apply to robo-geishas?

"People are going to be having sex with robots within five years," exclaimed a breathless Christensen.

What Christensen doesn't realize is that he's already too late. People have been gratifying themselves with robots for decades. What's a vibrator but a tiny - but not too tiny - robot? How about the sybian machine or the legendary "fleshlight"? The fact is folks have been turning to robots for comfort for years.

Just last year inventor Michael Harriman, unsatisfied with "real dolls" available in America, introduced Andy, a human-sized robot tart that has an internal heater, a heart that beats faster the more it "enjoys" itself, and a remote-controlled hip-wiggling function. She also has cold feet, "just like in real life."

Harriman's invention isn't unlike the Nazi's gynoid, developed at Himmler's request in hopes that soldiers would lavish their attentions on hygenic robots rather than catch the clap from French prostitutes and the like.

Going back even further into ancient times, folks found all sorts of devices to keep them happy when other folks just wouldn't do. Technically, they don't qualify as robots, but without the humble stone phallus there might never have been an Andy.

Messiah of Steel

Jesus Is Gay!

from Sploid

Christians made the shocking announcement this week that the homosexual Superman in the new summer blockbuster movie is actually Jesus Christ.

"It is so on the nose that anyone who has not caught on that Superman is a Christ figure, you think, 'Who else could it be referring to?'" asked author Steve Skelton, the Christian author of "The Gospel According to the World's Greatest Superhero."

Skelton told the Associated Press that Superman is obviously based on the biblical story of Jesus. That would seem to conflict with widespread reports that the new Superman is, in fact, a gay man in New York.

While the astonishing claim by Christians that their savior is a homosexual may at first seem outlandish, it may also explain Christian hostility to The Da Vinci Code movie, in which Jesus is portrayed as a heterosexual who fathers children with his disciple Mary Magdalene.

"The allusion to Jesus Christ could hardly be accidental," Christian blogger Tom Gilson wrote, according to AP.

And another blogger asked, "Is this a new Superman for the new Evangelist red state America? Superman as Jesus?"

Both Christians and homosexuals seem certain that the new Superman is one of them.

Gays note the new Superman's traditional gay mannerisms and lifestyle, his "Muscle Mary" gym-crafted physique and his "bold queer spirit."

Christians point out that Superman is the only son of a soon-to-be-killed space monster and gets sent in a UFO to the planet Earth, where he grows up in the Midwest and later works for a big-city newspaper while secretly saving people from various super-criminals - much like Jesus in the New Testament.

Could both groups be correct?

The original Gospel According to Mark originally contained a passage that describes the religion of Jesus as a homosexual mystery cult - such mystery religions were popular in the Greek-dominated culture of the Middle East.

An ancient letter from Clement of Alexandria praises an underling for "silencing the unspeakable teachings" of "Secret Mark," specifically the line about "naked man with naked man."

Thought to have been written late in the first century A.D., Mark is the oldest known gospel and the only one that makes no claim of a resurrection. (Original versions simply end at 16:8 with two Marys frightened by their discovery that Jesus' corpse had been moved.) Several holes in the story were filled in by the discovery of a "secret" version of Mark that the church successfully suppressed until letters and fragments were found.

The "gaydar" of biblical scholars was set off by this passage in particular:

"And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God."

While born-again Christians are often hostile to homosexuals and vocally complain about gay entertainment, there are signs that gay culture has merged with Christian culture - most disturbingly in the "Lord's Gym" chain of heartland athletic clubs.

The popular logo for the gym shows a "muscle man" Jesus grunting on the floor with a "cross" figure apparently sodomizing Him. The chain's website plays a slinky disco instrumental track with a rave-style light show around the sweaty Jesus figure.

The message is clear: Big-city health-club scenes have found a home in "straight" America by merging with the popular born-again Christian movement.

Tonight: Elvis, Johnny Cash & Patsy Cline!

Haunted Music Hall

from Sploid

A group of intrepid ghost-hunters have confirmed that the Shreveport Municipal Auditorium is haunted.

The Louisiana Spirits, a paranormal investigation club, spent the night in the famous auditorium and recorded four hours of spooky footage with digital cameras, video cameras, and sound-recording equipment. They were out to capture video of glowing orbs and audio recordings of Electronic Voice Phenomena, which skeptics describe as "the alleged communication by spirits through tape recorders and other electronic devices."

Samples of the recordings are available here. The group claims you can hear voices saying "I love Johnny Cash" and clapping.

The Shreveport Municipal Auditorium was once home to the Louisiana Hayride, a radio program that hosted country legends Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and Tex Ritter, as well as Elvis Presley.

But people used the auditorium for more than just musical hoedowns. A nuclear fallout shelter and the city morgue once occupied the basement.

In addition to catching muddy recordings of background noise, the Spirits also caught a whiff of flowers and baby powder that quickly came and left.

"If any building here in this town has spirits," commented Johnny Wessler, executive director of the Friends of the Municipal Auditorium, "this one does."

Another group, ORION Paranormal, visited the auditorium after the Louisiana Spirits to record footage for an upcoming documentary.