6.18.2006

Litterbox of the Damned

Undead Cat Gives Owner Seizures

from Sploid

With the announcement of the "Rescue Cat of the Year" winners is right around the corner, the list of nominees has already elicited gasps of horror and confusion. A cat who has been using his demonic powers to give his owner seizures, has deluded folks into thinking he's a lifesaver.

Ten years ago, when Tee Cee the zombie cat was but a kitten, he and his siblings were stuffed in a box and thrown into a river. The litter was miraculously rescued by a local do-gooder who brought the box of kitties to a shelter in Sheffield, England.

Michael Edmonds and his family thought they were welcoming a new pet into their home when they adopted Tee Cee. They didn't realize he would soon make Edmonds his very own plaything.

It's unknown what happened in the murky waters of that deadly river, but like many before him, Tee Cee returned from beyond his watery grave with terrifying powers. Not only can Satan's cat give Edmonds seizures, he's also convinced the man and his family that he's predicting the attacks, rather than launching them.

Tee Cee will sit and stare Edmonds in the face until the epilepsy strikes.

"When he first did it I thought it was a one-off," Edmonds said. "But ever since then he just seems to know."

Edmonds' daughter-in-law Samantha Laidler is so hopelessly deluded - or perhaps she's in cahoots with the cat - that she nominated Tee Cee for the "Rescue Cat" awards.

"My step-father has complex epilepsy as well as other health problems and is unable to go out on his own as he can have seizures without warning. We noticed that Tee Cee began staring at my step-father prior to a seizure and then ran to my mother to let her know all is not well, acting as an early warning system," said Laidler.

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