Cerebro Mutant Profile 123459:
Dr. Bahlaqeem

The Telepathic Chiropractor

from Sploid

Ohio medical regulators have are cracking down on a man who has been a licensed chiropractic in Athens for over 15 years. They recently stumbled upon his website and read that he claims to heal patients telepathically.

According to his website, Dr. James Burda discovered his gift three years ago. He was driving one day when a terrible pain struck his foot.

"Just for amusement, I made a guess as to the exact bone involved with the pain, told the bone to realign, and the pain went away almost instantly," he writes. "What a happy surprise I had. During another trip, the same thing happened. I thought that there was something happening which was very special."

He named this happy surprise "Bahlaqeem," - pronounced baalakeem - a made up word he chose for its "soothing vibrational influence" and because it has nine letters.

He claims that for $60 he can usually cure folks of what ails them just by talking to them over the phone.

The Ohio State Chiropractic Board ain't buying it.

"You are unable to practice chiropractic according to acceptable and prevailing standards of care due to mental illness, specifically delusional disorder, grandiose type," the board charges.

Burda denies this.

"I don't think I'm delusional, and I don't think I'm mentally ill," he told the Cleveland Plain-Dealer. "A person who is delusional is saying something he can't really do, and I can do what I say I do."

He treats not just people, one of his most convincing testimonials comes from Daisy Mae, a 10-year-old basset hound.

"My owner called Jim Burda and described the way I was moping around and walking with my head down. Over the phone he was able to work on me. He found the area in my vertebrae that was out of place and was able to manipulate it into place. I am feeling much better and I hold my head up high again. There hasn't been a reason to yelp now for several weeks! Thank you."

Despite Daisy Mae's praise, Burda faces a board hearing on May 1.


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