What Do Witchcraft, Intercourse, Christopher Walken & The Loch Ness Monster Have in Common?Fatboy Slim, Of Course!

Loch Ness Witch vs. Fatboy Slim

from Sploid

The high priest of witchcraft at Scotland's notorious Loch Ness is furious about plans to hold a concert there - so he's putting a curse on the whole event and all the innocent kids who plan to attend.

Fatboy Slim, the dance-music act run by Brighton DJ Norman Cook, is scheduled to headline the June 24 rave on the loch's shores. Some 20,000 tickets have already been sold.

"White witch" Kevin Carlyon says all the noise and partying will scare Nessie, the loch's famous monster.

It will also mess up his rituals to help four couples conceive children.

"I plan to carry out rituals for four Scottish couples who are having trouble conceiving from June 21, the day of the summer solstice, until June 24, the day of the concert," the witch told Scotland's Daily Record.

"The couples will be encouraged to make love on the shores of Loch Ness, in private of course. All this concert palaver may make it difficult for them to relax."

Carlyon claims he stopped two other raves with his magic curses and he's ready to do the same hex on Fatboy Slim.

"I would take a couple of talismans into the field where the concert is due to take place and make a curse to try to ensure the event is rained off or doesn't get permission from the authorities," he said.

Loch Ness has long attracted crazed magicians such as Aleister Crowley and Jimmy Page.