3.27.2006

Cerebro Mutant Profile 14820:
Aquamancer

Witch Discovers Underground River!

from Sploid

An Australian water witch has discovered a massive underground river, and he did it using nothing more than his supernatural abilities and his magic wands.

For 200 years, Tasmanian dirt farmers have searched for a subterranean waterway beneath the sands of Marrawah.

But it was only a myth until famed "water diviner" Peter Benson went looking for a good spot to drill a well on a ranch belonging to a local mayor.

Ross Hine, mayor of the little town known as Circular Head, hired Benson because the witch gets results.

Using dowsing rods and the special ability to detect water deep beneath the ground, water witches can make their livings all over the world -- any place not hooked up to a municipal water supply needs a Diviner to locate the place to dig a well.

But the huge underground river found by Benson "surpassed all expectations," the Tasmanian Examiner reported on Sunday.

The hidden river is 90 feet across and runs for miles between Dismal Swamp and the ocean. Now that secret waterway is pouring 5 million liters per day on the mayor's property...without a pump.

Benson can't explain his skill; he just knows where to find water. But he suspects it might have something to do with his personal hatred of water and abiding love for booze.

"I can find water but can't abide the stuff myself. It makes me sick," he told the Examiner.

"I have had one glass in the past 15 years and it made me vomit. I have better things to drink."

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