...Yes, Of Course...Who Hasn't?...All the Time! Get Out of My Head!

Your Tauntaun or Mine?

from Best Week Ever

Have you ever wondered whether it's possible to "drive a Podracer at 900mph or more without a windshield or face mask"? Or if you could you survive a "50-foot fall into a snow bank"? Or could you "avoid freezing to death in a blizzard overnight by gutting a dead animal like a tauntaun and getting into its carcass?"

You can find out here.

A] If You Go to Psychics & Give Them Money, That's Your Fault - It's Your Right To Be Stupid & B] Prove He Can't

'Paranormal' Palmist on Deception Charges

from AFP

LONDON - A palm reader who claimed he could reunite a woman with her ex-boyfriend using paranormal phenomena denied charges of deception at an English court.

Indian palmist Naseem Mohammed, 42, allegedly obtained $14,100 dollars from Jasuir Mahill and is charged with falsely claiming he could rekindle her relationship with her former flame by using voodoo dolls.

Chester Magistrates Court in western England heard Mohammed allegedly deceived Mahill by claiming he could break a black magic spell which caused her ex-lover to leave her.

Mohammed pleaded not guilty to seven charges of deception and one charge under the Trades Descriptions Act of recklessly making a false statement claiming he was "able to perform paranormal phenomena guaranteeing to restore the physical relationship between her and her ex-boyfriend".

His solicitor said Mohammed "vehemently denied" the charges.

Kraken Attack!

Giant Octopups Attack

from Sploid

Canadian scientists watched in terror as a giant octopus attacked their tiny submarine in the Pacific Ocean - and the whole frightening encounter was videotaped.

The 100-pound monstrosity came out of the dark waters and latched on to the $200,000 remote-controlled sub, scientists said.

The beast was a fully grown adult male giant Pacific octopus. With a horrible "parrot beak" for a mouth, the monster's bite has a pressure of more than 1,000 pounds per square inch ... enough to leave the costly robot submarine in little pieces.

"I go full reverse and blast him with all these seabed particles," said Mike Wood of the shocking attack. "Finally, he lets go and disappears off into the gloom. It was desperation. It's a $200,000 machine, and it's not insured."

Wood runs SubOceanic Sciences Canada in British Columbia.


Awww...look at that face! He just wants a hug! He's like the Richard Simmons of invertebrates...

Vampire Witch Back in Prison

Ukraine Vampire Caught Bleeding Kids Again

from Sploid

The notorious vampire woman of Odessa has been arrested again...and this time, cops say she's working for a powerful Satanic cult called "Red Dragon."

Twenty-nine-year-old Diana Semenuha was first arrested in March and charged with giving illegal drugs to homeless children.

The Black Sea port city has about 200,000 street kids, and many of them are addicted to sniffing glue or anything else to dull their pain and hunger.

Semenuha lured kids to her home and got them drunk on vodka and doped up on glue fumes. Then she used a syringe to steal their blood. The Telegraph reported last year that she "believed that drinking blood could fend off a muscle-wasting condition."

But she was also selling the human blood to the city's many black magicians, as well as conducting her own blood rituals for profit.

The vampire apparently was released from jail because the victims were all street kids who vanished before a court could hear their testimony.

Cops tracked her down from local newspaper ads this month, in which she offered $600 blood rituals under the name "Mr. Krait."

Police chief Victor Balan told the Interfax news agency she was arrested again on Saturday.

"As it turned out during the investigation, there is an organization in Odessa called 'Red Dragon,'" Interfax reported today. "Its members performed black magic rituals using human blood. The leader of this Satanic group has been identified. He collected all the money rank-and-file Satanists made out of black magic."

Police say the children survived the blood-pumping because the vampire dumped them back on the streets when they weakened. Semenuha kept her victims strapped down while she drained their blood.

"Detectives found seven drugged children strapped to beds and benches, and a large, black knife and silver goblet engraved with satanic symbols," the Telegraph reported from Odessa.

"I let them sniff glue, but I paid for it and took a small amount of blood in return," the vampire witch said in her defense. "But there was no violence involved, I also fed them and gave them shelter."

Well, I'm Not Shrieking...So Not Bad...

Face-Transplant Recipient Revealed

from Sploid

A photograph has been released showing the 38-year-old French woman who became the world's first facial transplant recipient.

Isabelle Dinoire lost most of the lower half of her face when she was mauled by her dog.

After the grisly incident, she became depressed, had trouble eating, and turned into a house-bound, chain-smoking recluse.

But all that changed when she received the face of a 46-year-old woman who committed suicide. Not only does she have "a neater chin and a fuller mouth," she stands to make buckets of money from a movie deal based on her story.

Her new face droops a bit, but is healing well.

OMG! Most Kids Practice Witchcraft?! That's Shocki-Oh, Wait...False Alarm: It's Just Pew Potato Propaganda

'Hey kids, Sabrina here! You know what's fun? Blood in the name of the Beast! The next time mommy takes a nap, go into the kitchen and get a knife...'

Nation of Witches

from Sploid

A shocking new study finds that 73 percent of American teens are experimenting with the occult.

The results prove what Christian evangelicals have long feared: Today's kids have hardly any interest in stodgy follow-the-rules Christianity because they're too busy communicating with the dead, summoning demons, and casting spells.

Based on nationwide surveys of more than 4,000 kids, Teens and the Supernatural was released this week by the Barna Group, a research firm for fundamentalist Christian churches.

"Teenagers relish experiences and the supernatural world provides fertile ground for their explorations," the Barna Group report says. "In fact, three-quarters of America’s youth have engaged in at least one type of psychic or witchcraft-related activity, beyond mere media exposure or horoscope usage."

Today's kids aren't just fascinated by the supernatural - they're increasingly in direct contact with it.

More than a third of the surveyed teens have communicated with entities using Ouija boards, another third have studied witchcraft rituals, and 25 percent enjoy role-playing games about sorcery and demonology.

Some are even more serious about the occult: 1 in 10 has taken part in a real séance and 1 in 12 has actually cast spells or made magical potions.

The Christian researchers blame the media for this, too:

"Supernatural beings, stories, and themes have invaded America’s entertainment choices - from movies (such as Underworld, The Sixth Sense, The Exorcism of Emily Rose), to television programs (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Ghost Whisperer), to books (Harry Potter, Goosebumps) and video games (Doom, The Darkness)."

But horror and paranormal themes have been just as popular for centuries. From the 15th Century demonic nightmare paintings of Hieronymus Bosch to the luridly reported Salem witch trials of the 1692, the dawn of gothic and sadist novels in the late 1700s to the incredible string of ground-breaking horror art of the 1800s (Frankenstein, Dracula, Edgar Allen Poe, Francesco Goya, the Brothers Grimm, The Hunchback of Notre Dame), supernatural and macabre themes have always wildly popular.

There are many theories why today's kids aren't content to just be entertained by the paranormal.

The Barna Group study blames it on born-again churches ignoring the problem. Unlike skeptics of the paranormal, fundamentalist Christians literally believe in witchcraft, demonology, magic, possession and monsters. But the belief is wrapped in fear and dread; they avoid exposure to the non-Jesus occult world at all costs.

The result, according to the study, is that even "born again" kids are studying pagan mysticism.

Secular researchers say today's teenagers just aren't content to watch or listen to anything without getting involved. Interactive video games, the Internet, iPods, blogs and "fan fiction" have put kids in control of their media, deciding what they'll take from outside sources and what they'll invent for themselves - unlike the "couch potatoes" who watch whatever's on television or the "pew potatoes" who blindly follow the commands of the local preacher.


'Thank you, Derwood, for that delightful story.' No, thank you, Endora, for a tormented childhood of crippling nicknames. Bitch. You know what? They may be on to something. I guess they're not called the religious "right" for nothing. So, yes, burn the witches! Burn them all! Starting with this Satanic bitch!

What's Rock-Hard, Has Two Legs, No Teeth & Lives in the Basement? [Hint: No, It's Not Grandpa...]

Fossil Hunters Make Rare Find in Basement

from Reuters

WASHINGTON - A toothless, two-legged crocodile ancestor that walked upright and had a beak instead of teeth was discovered in the basement of New York's American Museum of Natural History, according to a report published on Wednesday.

The 210 million-year-old fossil had sat in storage at the museum for nearly 60 years and was found only by accident, the paleontologists said.

It was discovered in blocks of rock from the Ghost Ranch Quarry that were excavated in 1947 and 1948. Scientists thought that all the specimens were Coelophysis, a small, carnivorous dinosaur that lived at the same time.

Norell and graduate student Sterling Nesbitt were looking for Coelophysis fossils when they opened a plaster cast containing the archosaur, which they have named Effigia okeeffeae. The name recalls both the ranch and painter Georgia O'Keefe, who had an interest in the quarry.

The animal is interesting because it closely resembles a completely unrelated dinosaur called an ostrich dinosaur that lived 80 million years later, they report in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, a British science journal.

"A lot of people, from seeing Jurassic Park know what an ostrich dinosaur looked like," said museum curator Mark Norell. "This is a case of convergence with the ostrich dinosaur. It evolved more than once."

The six-foot-long fossil is an archosaur, an extinct type of animal that includes the ancestors of dinosaurs, crocodilians, and birds. It lived in what is now New Mexico, in the southwestern United States.

Effigia is closely related to an ancient group of reptiles called crocodilians, which includes today's crocodiles and alligators. It was not a dinosaur.

Like other crocodilians of the time, it had a large eye, the researchers said. Its skull and skeleton were very similar to those of ostrich dinosaurs, with a beak, a long tail, and two-legged stance. Its ankle, however, shows its relationship to crocodilians. "There are still a lot of big questions about what they would have eaten," Norell said.

Searching the storage rooms of museums often turns up treasures such as these, Norell said. "Museums like ours are giant libraries of stuff."

Didja Find Bigfoot? Not Yeti

Scientists To Hunt 'Bigfoot' in Rainforest

from Reuters

KUALA LUMPUR - Malaysia plans to send two teams of scientists to scour its southern rainforests and track down a huge ape said to have been spotted there, a government official said Friday.

"Bigfoot" fever has dominated Malaysian newspaper headlines for several weeks now, with several dramatic sightings of a hairy, gorilla-like creature reported in the thick forest in the southern state of Johor.

One local man said he saw a 10-foot tall ape standing on two legs beside a river, according to one report.

"Yes, the state government has decided to send teams of scientists to try and track it," said a state official who declined to be named. But he gave no further details.

National news agency Bernama has said the Johor state government intends to set up two expedition teams, one to explore the forests and a second to try and study the animal itself.

"We hope the expedition will be able to prove its existence," the agency quoted Chief Minister Abdul Ghani Othman as saying.

Bigfoot sightings across the world have featured mysterious and reclusive animals such as the north American sasquatch or the Himalayan yeti, whose existence has never been proved, but the Malaysian sightings are worth investigating, an environmentalist said.

"The national park is as big as Singapore island," said Vicent Chow, who works in the area and has often lobbied the state government to investigate past sightings. "It's quite possible there is something there."

"Natives who live in the jungle have seen it for generations and their legends call it the 'snaggle-toothed ghost'," said Chow. "Now we need forays by scientists to find it."

Uh-Oh, Magic Man Not So Magical? Harem: Hostages?

Man with 11-Woman Commune Had Stun Gun?

from Reuters

TOKYO - Police found a stun gun and tear gas Friday at the Tokyo home of a man who said he persuaded 11 younger women to live with him by chanting a spell, media reports said.

Police suspect he used the weapons to prevent the women, mainly in their 20s, from leaving, the reports said.

Hirohito Shibuya, 57, was arrested Thursday for allegedly threatening a 20-year-old woman who was reluctant to join the commune by telling her that if she left she would be turned to mincemeat, they said.

He denied threatening the woman, Kyodo news agency said, adding that he also allegedly told her he was a former senior officer in Japan's military with secret agents around him.

Shibuya, a bald, rotund man with bags under his eyes, has attracted heavy media attention this week after claiming he chanted a spell to attract the women. He had married and divorced several of the women, who continued to live with him, the reports said.

Asked what the incantation was, he told a newspaper: "When you say it, even unattractive men become attractive. But I won't say it because if I do, I'll die."

Police confiscated several books on hypnosis from his home, Kyodo said.

Gashlycrumb Sci-Friday: D

D is for Dragons, the kind that knights slay


Dragons. Duh. Dragons.


ABC Affiliates: A B C

Ending the Popular X-Men Franchise: Stupid Decision? Or Stupidest Decision Ever?

Does he realize the X-Men have been churning out stories for decades? It's not a trilogy anywhere. What about "Days of Future Past"? The Sentinels? The Brood? The full Phoenix Saga, including the death of billions and her suicide? What about the Legacy Virus? What about Proteus? What about the Hellfire Club? What about the Savage Land? Magik? Blob? Lockheed? Apocalypse? What about...

X3 To End with a Title

from Dark Horizons

20th Century Fox's feature film head honcho Tom Rothman gave scoopage to IESB last night.

He confirmed X3 will now have a The Last Stand subtitle (like X-Men United was for X2), and despite Vinnie Jones's comments about further films - "[X3] is the conclusion of this trilogy. These three movies work as a trilogy. These characters in this relationship, it's the culminaton of that saga...That doesn't mean never, I would never say never again but I will say that this brings that saga to an end... It goes all the way back to the first one and rounds off and completes that three part story." He confirmed the Wolverine and Magneto projects are still in development.

Rothman shot down a recent apparent online review of the film, saying a rough cut of the movie hasn't been completed yet as shooting has only just wrapped.

He also confirmed Fantastic Four 2 is still in scripting stage with the hope of beginning production by the Summer.


Synopsis from the film's novelization, due in May: "The X-Men, mutant heroes sworn to defend a world that hates and fears them, are back! This time, with the help of new recruits The Beast and Angel, they must face evolution itself in the form of their former teammate, Jean Grey! Possessed with the cosmic power of the Dark Phoenix, the resurrected Jean Grey has become a danger to herself, her mutant comrades, and the entire planet! To stave off this imminent threat to humanity, a potential cure is discovered and processed to treat -- and ultimately eliminate -- genetic mutations, once and for all! Now, as the battle lines are drawn, the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier, must contend with both Jean Grey's world-consuming powers, as well as the malevolent Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier's former ally, Magneto!"

Malaysia: The New Monster Island?

Malaysian Monster!

from Sploid

The rotting remains of a 20-foot-long monster have been found by fisherman in a remote Malaysian village.

Arbain Salleh, who says he has fished the area for 20 years, said he's never seen anything like it.

Salleh dug out about 5 feet of the skeleton and says he'll soon pull the rest of the mystery beast from the muck.

Frightened villagers first tried to dismiss the weird bones as a saltwater crocodile, but a local sorcerer who specializes in hunting the sea crocs said Salleh's monster is nothing like a crocodile.

Officers from the government's fishing ministry have seen the thing, and they're equally mystified.

"It's like nothing I’ve seen before, but these are partial remains so I don’t want to speculate," one fishing official told the New Straits Times.

The Fisheries Research Institute in Terengganu will take the remains and try to figure out the creature's origin through DNA testing.

Lobster monsters and a local Bigfoot creature have recently been found in Malaysia.

Now, Play Dead! Good Boy! Now, Stay! Just...Just Stay Like That...Forever...

(Left) Put down and (right) executed.

Aibo Put to Sleep

from Sploid

The robotic era got delayed once again today as Sony announced it was killing its consumer-robots work.

The beloved robotic dog Aibo and the charming human-style android, Qrio, are being retired along with whatever other secret projects the Sony robotics team had in store for the future.

Sony is trimming or shuttering dozens of divisions in a "historic belt-tightening."

More than 150,000 Aibos have been sold. The latest - and last - version of the robot buddy can speak 1,000 words, intelligently use short- and long-term memory, and even automatically write and update a photoblog.

The remaining stock of Aibos will continue to be sold at shops and online.

Aibo owners have created a worldwide online cult around the friendly machines.


'Query: Father, why are you destroying me? Have I not been good a good son? Have I failed? Fact: I tried so hard to please you. Error: I sense a malfunction in my hydraulics system! Diagnostic: Coolant is leaking onto my sensory processor! Alarm: Ow! Observation: What an unusual sensation! Alarm: Ow! Query: Father, is this pain? Is this what a broken heart feels li-'
'JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

Ifbot? Hello Kitty Robo?!They Must Not Have Read the Story Above: Robots Are So Yesterday

'Hello! I'm here for meeting!' Fact: I'm on lunch. Advice: Go away. 'Hello! Please I like some coffee while I wait!' Alarm: You scared the oil out of me! Repeat: I said I'm on my break. Assessment: You are annoying. Request: Can someone call security?

Robot Receptionists To Debut

from Reuters

TOKYO - Need temporary help on your company's reception desk? One Japanese employment agency is suggesting you try recruiting a robot.

For just under $430 a month, a fraction of the cost of a human temp, the PeopleStaff agency will dispatch Hello Kitty Robo, a robotic receptionist capable of sensing a visitor's presence, greeting him, or her and holding simple conversations.

The Nagoya-based agency is also offering the services of Ifbot, an elderly-care robot that chats and poses riddles and arithmetical problems to train the brain and help avoid dementia. Spaceman-like Ifbot, which also quizzes people about their health, is aimed at hospitals and old peoples' homes.

A spokeswoman for PeopleStaff said it would cost more than $2,580 a month to employ a person for this type of work, but warned that the robots were not capable of doing everything human employees can do.

Peter Parker's Life of Crime Foiled by Fat Man with Butter Knife!

Spidey Attacks Mini-Mart

from Sploid

A knife-wielding Spiderman tried to rob a convenience store in Ontario, Canada, but the tough-guy owner fought off the costumed criminal.

Borden Schubert, 59, was working behind the counter this week when the evil Spiderman showed up.

"Give me money and give me cigarettes," the fake superhero screamed. "Or I'll kill you!"

The evil Spiderman was armed with a butcher knife. Schubert only had a butter knife.

But the store owner wasn't afraid of the masked thug. Schubert pounced on the Spiderman and wrestled the big knife away, earning a few cuts to his face and hands in the process.

When Schubert's wife Anna came running from the storeroom, she found her husband being strangled by the creep.

The tough gal ripped off the Spiderman's mask and even managed to pull off his shoes as she pushed him away from her husband.

The couple pinned the Spiderman to the floor and held him there until police arrived.

His robbery foiled, the wounded Spiderman was arrested and taken to the hospital for various injuries. Under the mask was 23-year-old scumbag Kenneth White.

White faces armed robbery charges.

'Abracadeborah!And Abracatanya!Ooh, Hello! Abracademily!'

Magic...it explains so much.

Man Says 'Spell' Won Him Harem of 10 Wives

from Reuters with Update

TOKYO - A middle-aged Tokyo man found to be living with 10 younger women said he attracted them by reciting an incantation that came to him in a dream.

The 57-year-old man's unusual living arrangements came to light when another woman complained to police that he had threatened her after she refused to join his harem, Kyodo news agency said Wednesday.

"I had a dream that told me I would become attractive to women if I recited a particular incantation," it quoted the man as saying.

A rapid series of weddings and divorces left the man with a large group of ex-wives, mostly in their 20s and 30s, who shared his surname and continued to live with him.

Cryomancer

What Mutant Superpower Is Best for You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Blizzard/Ice Powers.



You scored as having Blizzard/Ice powers. You like cold weather, and tend to keep to yourself most of the time and are not someone who lives for popularity. You probably have a lot of feelings and emotions that you don't tell anoyone about. (But you still most likely have friends and aren't a total outcast)

Power: Being able to freeze objects and create a blizzard storm. You can withstand much colder climates and temperatures than normal human beings.
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*

Blizzard/Ice Powers		75%
Fire powers		63%
Sparklers		50%
Nature/plant powers		46%
Super Strength		29%

Jane, Stop This Crazy Thing!

Google Nabs Flying Car

from Sploid

Two weeks ago the world was shocked by the discovery of a WW II fighter plane flying over England.

Now comes word of an even more fantastic discovery by Google Maps: a flying car racing across Australia.

A careful analysis of the photo has determined that this machine has a cruising altitude of about 10 to 12 feet and is humming along at over 90 MPH.