Bush Declares War on Snakepeople!

Human-Animal Hybrids?

from Sploid

The nation collectively scratched its head and muttered "What the hell?" when George W. Bush began jabbering about the threat of "human-animal hybrids" during Tuesday night's State of the Union speech.

While many Americans have gotten used to the president's increasingly weird crusades - such as high-school steroid testing and canceling Social Security - his bizarre remarks about "human-animal hybrids" suggest the White House is now focusing its limited brainpower on mythical beasts such as mermaids and centaurs.

Some commentators said he might be scared of human-animal hybrids he's seen in science-fiction movies or television shows, such as The X-Men or "Manimal.

Even if the threats are purely fictional, there was no doubting Bush's sincerity. The fear in his eyes was palpable, and his voice cracked and quavered as he told America about this fantastic new enemy of the United States.

But careful research suggests Bush's latest "threat" may be both more mundane and much more important than his terrified fantasies of werewolves and snake-people.

Scientists are finally figuring out the mechanics of genetic diseases such as Down's Syndrome, and one startling new advance is the creation of "chimeras" - animal cells that have been genetically modified to have more human traits, such as a pig with human blood that could be used to research cures for human blood diseases.

As with all new genetic research involving human cells of any kind, the Bush Administration is strictly against these "chimeras" because it could interfere with God's ability to kill sick people.

Bush apparently hasn't been told that a human-animal hybrid is being used by millions of diabetics every day...and it's totally legal.