Village of the Damned Purple Brats

Attack of the Indigo Children

from Sploid

Know-it-all brat or weirdo moonchild sent to save the world?

That's the question millions of wacky parents are asking these days. And for many suburban families desperate to find some meaning in the cruel drudgery of life, their moody hyperactive kids are really gifted creatures who will lead humanity to a new evolutionary phase.

These kids are called Indigo Children, allegedly because of the purple aura seen - by psychics, of course - floating around their little skulls.

The Indigo brats can see the future, parents say. Their other magic powers are less impressive: They don't listen to anybody, are wildly impatient, throw constant temper tantrums and have apparently learned to manipulate their parents' new-age beliefs to great advantage.

Advocates of the theory claim that 95 percent of kids born today have the purple aura, compared to half as many a generation ago. If true, the world may indeed be facing big changes as these Little Hitlers take over and begin killing off the normal people.

Southern California mom Carolyn Kaufman tells the Orange County Register that her three kids are all Indigos. It's a lucky trifecta for Kaufman, as she believes in every known form of hippie mumbo-jumbo and sells her services to other "Indigo parents."

"You have to be careful about this stuff," child psychologist Dr. Robert Butterworth told the newspaper. "Don't create some cosmic chip on their shoulders. It sounds very cute, but there could be other problems that these kids need help with, like hyperactivity. It's OK if you think your kids have special talents, but don't ... think your kid is the next Dali Lama of Orange County. That's gonna create problems."

But doctors are hardly heroes. The corrupt profession has happily followed the Prescription Drug Industry's lead in creating an epidemic of hyperactive kids -- now diagnosed with the fashionable Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder "disease" that can only be treated with expensive daily doses of prescription amphetamines. As a result, any American child who shows the slightest evidence of independent thinking is immediately put on a deadly diet of Ritalin or similar speed pills.

The smarter kids simply sell the Ritalin to others who enjoy the ultra-clean high of prescription speed, while most of the Ritalin Generation is condemned to a zombie existence, their brains numbed and fried by endless medication, their bodies wilted from anorexia and exhaustion. If they don't commit suicide, they'll grow up to be drug addicts, and then they'll get cancer.

It's no surprise that parents of the "health nut" persuasion have sought another way to deal with hyperactive kids. The few remaining experts not on the Pharmaceutical Industry's payroll say there have always been bratty, know-it-all children and that the ever-shrinking creative spark in humanity is usually smashed in the schooling years.

In that light, says the writer of a new movie about the allegedly special kids, there's no harm in believing in Indigo Children.

"Certainly in the scientific realm, this is just a bunch of New Age nonsense," James Twyman told USA Today. "But I think anyone with an inquisitive and rational mind can look at many children out there today and say there's something about them."

The Skeptic's Dictionary answers with this:

The main thesis of The Indigo Children is that many children diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are actually space aliens.