There's No Race Like Gnome

'Do not be alarmed by our black, souless eyes. We are friendly and kind. Now it's time for you to sleep, to dream forever. You look very slee-' 'When do we get to drink their blood?' 'Shhh, you idiot! They can hear you!' 'Dibs on the kids!' 'Screw you, Bambo! I said dibs on the kids earlier! They so dang juicy!' 'Did not!' 'Did too!' 'Will you guys shut up!?'

Gnome Sweet Gnome: Police Find Missing 'Little People'

from Rocky Mountain News

GREELEY, Colo. - Perhaps it was a lack of gnomeland security that pushed Elsie Schnorr into the ranks of Greeley's gnomeless.

She's not exactly sure how it happened, but she thinks she knows how to describe the culprit: jobless, bored and without anything better to do than go around trolling for gnomes.

On May 31 several of Schnorr's garden gnomes were stolen, and then a few days later, the robber came back for seconds, all in all stealing 30 of Schnorr's prized gnomes - little statues that serve as garden decorations.

And Schnorr wasn't alone.

On Saturday, children found black bags with 80 gnomes behind an apartment complex in Greeley, police Sgt. Tom Walde said.

"They're just like little people, only they don't talk to you," Schnorr said.

The gnomes vary in size, typically from 6 to 12 inches. Some are made of concrete and others molded plastic. Greeley police are holding the gnomes in a secure area at the station. People can set up an appointment to stop by, identify and claim their gnomes.

"We've been inundated with phone calls," Walde said.

"I'm here to fill out a 'gnome form,' " said Sandy Jordan, who was surprised to see one of her gnomes on the front page of her local paper Sunday.