Strange Women Lying in Ponds

A few years ago, in an apartment not so far away...

*ring* *ring* *ring* *ri-click*

My Answering Machine:
King Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis the Peasant: Man!
King Arthur: "Man" - sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37!
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37 - I'm not old!
King Arthur: Well, I can't just call you "man."
Dennis: You could say "Dennis."
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman," but from behind you looked-
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
King Arthur: Well, I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king, eh? Very nice! And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to our dated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-
Peasant Woman: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here! Oh - how do you do?
King Arthur: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
King Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
King Arthur: Well, we all are. We're all Britons, and I am your king.
Woman: Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You're fooling yourself! We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-
Woman: Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again.
Dennis: That's what it's all about! If only people would-
King Arthur: Please, please, good people - I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one live there.
King Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don't have a lord.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I told you! We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week...
King Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting...
King Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
King Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-
King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
King Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you!
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings!
Woman: Well, how did you become king then?
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
King Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: I mean, you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
King Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
King Arthur: Shut up! Will you shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
King Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: OH! COME AND SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM! HELP! HELP! I'M BEING REPRESSED!
King Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that?! Did you hear that, eh?! That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

*Beep*

Caller: Hello? Actually, I called the wrong number, but I just wanted to say thank you. I've been having the worst day, everything's been going wrong, and I've been in a terrible mood. But your outgoing message made me laugh. I'm going to call back and listen to it again. I just wanted to let you know and to say thanks. Goodbye...and have a wonderful day!

*Beep*

Ah, the healing powers of Monty Python...