Very Fine Line Between 'Zombie Mob' & 'Haight HempFest'

Zombies Invade San Francisco

from LaughingSquid

SAN FRANCISCO - Quick, run to the nearest shopping mall and lock yourself in. This afternoon San Francisco was invaded by a brain-eating mob of zombies. The zombies were first sighted at the corner of Sansome and Market Street, then they proceed up Market Street, converting innocent bystanders into the undead as they slowly marched on. Then they turned up Powell Street at the cable car turnaround, sending the tourists away screaming as they waited. After claiming Union Square as their own, they then went back down toward Market where they proceeded to invade the flagship San Francisco Apple store, breifly taking part in the Bandwidth Shindig! which was taking place upstairs. Their current whereabouts are unknown, but rumor has it that they were looking for a “think tank” to find more Brains!!!!

Got Some New Toys & Stuff This Week...

Demons, Druids & Bards

British Police Anti-Speed Demon Becomes a Druid

from AFP

British police anti-speed demon becomes a druid Fri Aug 11, 11:20 AM ET

LONDON - A senior British police officer infamous for his dislike of speeding drivers joined an order of Welsh bards and was immediately told one of his many speedgun victims was the group's archdruid.

North Wales Police chief constable Richard Brunstrom - known as "the godfather of the speed camera" to readers of the Police Federation's official magazine - joined the Gordsedd of Bards at the annual National Eisteddfod.

The order, which counts Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, the spiritual head of the worldwide Anglican communion, among its number, rewards people who have made a significant contribution to the Welsh language and culture.

But after welcoming robe-wearing new recruits in the ceremonial stone circle at the week-long Welsh arts festival near Swansea, south Wales, Archdruid Selwyn Iolen said he himself had fallen foul of Brunstrom's anti-speeding zeal.

He was recently clocked travelling at 36 miles (58 kilometres) per hour in a 30 miles per hour zone while rushing home to watch a football match.

"Forget the three (penalty) points. That's what he (Brunstrom) told me," Iolen said. "I don't think he meant it though, or he would get the sack."

Brunstrom, 52, was nominated to the gorsedd's highest rank of druid and can now be called "Spider" after taking the Welsh translation "Prif Copyn" as his bardic title.

"Prif Copyn" is a pun on the Welsh phrase for chief constable, "prif gwnstabl".

The Gorsedd of Bards dates back to 1792 and is supposedly based on ancient druidic practices.

Members include poets, writers, musicians and artists among others.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 111111: Glimpse

Cyclopian Child Born in Chennai, India

from BoingBoing

Scott Carney, a tech journalist who lives in Chennai, India, says:

A one-eyed child suffering from a rare chromosomal disorder known as cyclopia was born in a hospital in Chennai earlier this week. The disorder occurs during pregnancy when the cells that constitute the forebrain fail to develop properly and fuse into a single eye. Instances of cyclopia are generally attributed to outside factors like ambient pollution, radiation, drugs and the introduction of other agents that can alter fetal development.

The pictures bare an eerie resemblance to images of Love Canal, a suburban community built on top of the most notorious toxic waste dump in New York State. While the small town was still populated, several children were born without eyes and cancer was hundreds of times the normal rate.

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Glimpse
Mutant Abilities: Cyclops, kinda creepy when he winks at you, impenetrable virginity

Dark Lord of Sith & Produce

Chad Vader, Channel 101 Series About Sith Grocery Story Manager

from BoingBoing

Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager is a series of short films about a cyborg Sith Lord who runs the day-shift at a grocery store, creeping out the boss by calling him "Emperor," hitting on the checkout girl, and feuding with the night-shift manager. Sheer hilarity! Link, Part 2.

Bus Shmus!

Inventor Selling Jet Packs for $200,000

from Exploding Cigar

Inventor Rick Herron is planning on selling a jet pack which can propel a 200 lb user for up to 5 minutes. Herron, founder of Starwalker Jets, already has FAA approval for the 90-pound personal rocket.

Batman vs. Joker vs....Penguin?

The Penguin in The Dark Knight?

from Cinescape

According to Batman on Film, the upcoming sequel to Batman Begins, entitled The Dark Knight, may feature Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.

Batman on Film writes, "This comes in from one of my best sources who previously gave up the scoop Katie Holmes and Ken Watanabe's casting in Begins, as well as confirming an offer had made to Ledger). Here goes:

"As you have long suspected, the two main villains in the Batman Begins sequel will be The Joker and The Penquin. I can confirm that an offer has been made to Philip Seymour Hoffman for the role. Yet Hoffman has indicated that he may not get involved in the sequel."

Could the upcoming sequel feature both Penguin and Joker? If so, let's hope they are balanced better than Two Face and the Riddler in a previous debacle of a Batman film.

Spock: Inaction Figure

'Spock Is Not a Toy'

from Sploid

The communists who run Canada held a bizarre secret "tribunal" that made ancient Egyptian religion the equal of Christianity and outlawed the marketing of Mr. Spock figurines as "toys."

Canada's International Trade Tribunal issued the sweeping rulings to stop the Franklin Mint, a U.S. trinket manufacturer, from claiming its collectibles of Star Trek characters, cartoon harlot Betty Boop and "Wizard of Oz" midgets "amuse and please" the Canadians who buy the things.

As a result, Franklin Mint can't get away with paying the lesser "toy tariff" on the exports, and instead must pay a higher duty to send the kitsch junk up north.

The once-secret proceedings also reveal the primitive conditions under which Canadian children are forced to live:

"It is common knowledge that a child will play for hours with an empty cardboard box, a paper bag or a stick. Thus, the tribunal is of the view that amusement alone does not make an object a toy for the purpose of tariff classification," said the tribunal in a report finally made public last month.

But the U.S. company did win a battle for pagans, because the Canadian tribunal ruled that Franklin Mint's cheesy copies of Egyptian pharaonic cat gods are basically the same thing as a bleeding Jesus on the cross.

"It decreed that a dead faith like ancient Egyptian deity worship should be accorded the same treatment as live religions when it comes to tariff rates," the Globe and Mail reported last week.

"This ruling means that a Franklin Mint figurine representing the Egyptian Cat goddess Bast has been reclassified as a 'religious statuette' for the purposes of border tariffs."

The border tariffs for such religious gewgaws is lower than for regular non-religious crap that Canadians are addicted to buying.

To hear Franklin Mint representative John Mark Morton tell it, Canadians are compelled to put the horrible figurines everywhere - even at their offices.

"They want to convey the idea that they are intelligent and so, you know, you have - someone comes in your office and you have this Star Trek mini bell jar [figurine] sitting on your desk and they go, 'Oh, you're a Trekkie, I'm a Trekkie too,' and it conveys a feeling that you are intelligent," Morton argued at the tribunal, which was conducted under a veil of secrecy in December.

Never before had Star Trek fanaticism been presented as a positive thing.

"Why do we have tariffs on 'religious statuettes' and collector's items at all?" asked Patrick Bowman of Toronto in comments on the Globe and Mail's website.

"Somehow I can't bring myself to belief that our own manufacturers of Canadian kitsch desperately need tariff protection from those multinational kitsch conglomerates. How much money is wasted every year with trade tribunals and enforcement of mindless regulations like this?"

A commenter from British Columbia added, "Thanks to the Canadian International Trade Tribunal I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

Other Canadians wondered why such absurd tariffs even exist when both Canada and the United States are reportedly operating under the North American Free Trade Agreement.

Merlin vs. David Blaine vs. Illyana Rasputin vs. Houdini vs. Amanda Sefton vs. Elphaba vs. Morgana vs. David Copperfield vs. Glinda vs. Dr. Strange...

Magicians Battle It Out for World Title

from The Associated Press

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Cards sailed through the air to the rhythm of Chopin, and a rabbit — predictably — was pulled out of a hat as contestants from China to the Virgin Islands on Monday kicked off the World Championship of Magic.

The prize: lucrative contracts for stage shows in Las Vegas, Paris and Monaco.

Some 156 magicians from 64 countries are taking part in the main event, while thousands of others are performing in public shows, street acts and even workshops.

The performers each get 10 minutes on stage to impress a panel of judges, with the best advancing to a final session on Saturday, when the winners will be decided, said Dag Lofalk, president of the organizing committee.

Seth Engstrom, 18, is competing for Sweden in close-up magic, where magicians use slight-of-hand and small objects such as cards and coins. The other section of the main event is stage magic, with grand illusions involving humans and other props.

"It is always the creative ones who win," said Engstrom of his idea of mixing card magic and Chopin's piano music. "They want you to come up with new ideas."

The contest is closed to the public, but followed closely by the more than 2,500 magicians — from as far away as China, New Zealand, Macau and the Virgin Islands — who have gathered in Stockholm for the event.

The championship began in 1948 and has lately been held every three years.

Magicians use the event to learn from each other — but keep their closely guarded secrets to themselves. However, the public will get their share of magic as well, with hundreds of magicians taking part in shows, lectures and workshops, and doing tricks on the streets and in parks, Lofalk said.

"This is the first time we try to open the event up a bit more to the public, to give them a chance to see the acts as well," he said.

Got a New Toy Today...And by 'New' I Mean 'Kinda Old' & by 'Toy' I Mean 'Toys' & by 'Today' I Mean 'Last Week'

Alpha Flight's Sasquatch and Vindicator action figures. Remember when Alpha Flight first came out and Jean-Marie had a split personality, Northstar was still acting straight, Snowbird had postcognition, and Shaman used to pull cool tricks from his pouch - like a staff that made flying creatures suddenly still in mid-air or seeds that turned into entangling roots? That was cool. (And then it went to Hell.) And the word 'Plodex" (Marrina's native race) still pops in my head about once a week. Thanks, John Byrne.

Edit: Ooh! And Nemesis with her one-atom-thin sword! Yeah, those were the days...