Shadowfoot

Get Kraken!

2007-02-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

New Zealand Fishermen Catch Rare Squid

from The Associated Press

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A fishing crew has caught a colossal squid that could weigh a half-ton and prove to be the biggest specimen ever landed, a fisheries official said Thursday.

The squid, weighing an estimated 990 lbs and about 39 feet long, took two hours to land in Antarctic waters, New Zealand Fisheries Minister Jim Anderton said.

The fishermen were catching Patagonian toothfish, sold under the name Chilean sea bass, south of New Zealand "and the squid was eating a hooked toothfish when it was hauled from the deep," Anderton said.

The fishing crew and a fisheries official on board their ship estimated the length and weight of the squid: Detailed, official measurements have not been made. The date when the colossus was caught also was not disclosed.

Colossal squid, known by the scientific name Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, are estimated to grow up to 46 feet long and have long been one of the most mysterious creatures of the deep ocean.

If original estimates are correct, the squid would be 330 pounds heavier than the next biggest specimen ever found.

"I can assure you that this is going to draw phenomenal interest. It is truly amazing," said Dr. Steve O'Shea, a squid expert at the Auckland University of Technology. If calamari rings were made from the squid they would be the size of tractor tires, he added.

Colossal squid can descend to 6,500 feet and are extremely active, aggressive hunters, he said.

The frozen squid will be transported to New Zealand's national museum, Te Papa, in the capital, Wellington, to be preserved for scientific study.

Marine scientists "will be very interested in this amazing creature as it adds immeasurably to our understanding of the marine environment," Anderton said.

Colossal squid are found in Antarctic waters and are not related to giant squid found round the coast of New Zealand. Giant squid grow up to 39 feet long, but are not as heavy as colossal squid.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 200204: KFCentaur

2007-02-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

Stumpy, a four-legged duckling at Warrawee Duck Farm, Copythorne, Hampshire, England, Saturday Feb. 17, 2007. A rare mutation has left the bird with two legs behind the usual two. (AP Photo/PA, Barry Batchelor)

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename KFCentaur
Mutant Abilities: Four legs, super-waddle action, delicious.

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket or Am I Just Happy To See You?

2007-01-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

Ray Gun Makes Targets Feel As If They Are on Fire

from The Associated Press

MOODY AIR FORCE BASE, Georgia - The military's new weapon is a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch fire.

The technology is supposed to be harmless - a non-lethal way to get enemies to drop their weapons.

Military officials say it could save the lives of civilians and service members in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

The weapon is not expected to go into production until at least 2010, but all branches of the military have expressed interest in it, officials said.

During the first media demonstration of the weapon Wednesday, airmen fired beams from a large dish antenna mounted atop a Humvee at people pretending to be rioters and acting out other scenarios U.S. troops might encounter.

The crew fired beams from more than 500 yards away, nearly 17 times the range of existing non-lethal weapons, such as rubber bullets.

While the sudden, 130-degree Fahrenheit heat was not painful, it was intense enough to make participants think their clothes were about to ignite.

"This is one of the key technologies for the future," said Marine Col. Kirk Hymes, director of the non-lethal weapons program that helped develop the weapon. "Non-lethal weapons are important for the escalation of force, especially in the environments our forces are operating in."

The system uses millimeter waves, which can penetrate only 1/64th of an inch of skin, just enough to cause discomfort. By comparison, common kitchen microwaves penetrate several inches of skin.

The millimeter waves cannot go through walls, but they can penetrate most clothing, officials said. They refused to comment on whether the waves can go through glass.

Two airmen and 10 reporters volunteered to be zapped with the beams, which easily penetrated various layers of winter clothing.

The system was developed by the military, but the two devices being evaluated were built by defense contractor Raytheon.

Airman Blaine Pernell, 22, said he could have used the system during his four tours in Iraq, where he manned watchtowers around a base near Kirkuk. He said Iraqis often pulled up and faked car problems so they could scout U.S. forces.

"All we could do is watch them," he said. But if they had the ray gun, troops "could have dispersed them."

The Fantastic Two

2007-01-20T13:40:00.000-08:00

Jingle Bells: The Fantastic Four sequel's Silver Surfer dangles some junk? Apparently so, as glimpsed in the trailer and discussed here.

R.I.P. Lily

2007-01-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

Actress Yvonne De Carlo, Star of TV's The Munsters, Dies at 84

from The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES — Yvonne De Carlo, the beautiful star who played Moses' wife in The Ten Commandments but achieved her greatest popularity on TV's slapstick comedy The Munsters, has died. She was 84.

De Carlo died of natural causes Monday at the Motion Picture & Television facility in suburban Woodland Hills, longtime friend and television producer Kevin Burns said Wednesday.

De Carlo, whose shapely figure helped launch her career in B-movie desert adventures and Westerns, rose to more important roles in the 1950s. Later, she had a key role in a landmark Broadway musical, Stephen Sondheim's Follies.

But for TV viewers, she will always be known as Lily Munster in the 1964-1966 horror movie spoof The Munsters. The series (the name allegedly derived from "fun-monsters") offered a gallery of Universal Pictures grotesques, including Dracula and Frankenstein's monster, in a cobwebbed gothic setting.

Dear Santa...

2007-01-05T15:31:00.000-08:00

Former professional Swiss military pilot Yves Rossy, the 'jet-man', flies in the sky like a rocketeer in the southern Swiss Alps near Nyon in November, 2006. Rossy is the first man ever to successfully fly with wings, full-powered by four engines in his back. Picture taken in November 2006. REUTERS/Rolf Kuratli (SWITZERLAND)

Cerebro Mutant Profile 220022: Moo-2

2007-01-05T08:57:00.000-08:00

A calf with two faces is photographed Tuesday, Jan. 2, 2007, at Kirk Heldreth's dairy farm in Rural Retreat, Va. The calf, which was born Dec. 27, 2006, breathes out of two noses and has two tongues, which move independently, according to Heldreth. There appears to be a single socket containing two eyes where the heads split. (AP Photo/Wytheville Enterprise Via Bristol Herald Courier, Jean Farley)

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Moo-2
Mutant Abilities: Superbovine cud-chewing, moos in stereo, triclops.

'Query: Where's My Bleeping Epidural?!'

2007-01-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

Medical students practice parturition treatment with a baby-delivery robot at an obstetrician class of Kyung Hee university medical center in Seoul in this December 27, 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Kim Kyung-Hoon

Rise of the Silver Surfer Trailer

2006-12-29T10:18:00.000-08:00

Kraken Attackin'

2006-12-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

In this photo released by Tsunemi Kubodera, a researcher with Japan's National Science Museum, a giant squid attacking a bait squid is being pulled up by his research team off the Ogasawara Islands, south of Tokyo, on Dec. 4, 2006. The research team, led by Kubodera, has succeeded in filming the giant squid live, possibly for the first time, at the surface as they captured it off the remote island of Chichijima, which is about 960 kilometers (600 miles) southeast of Tokyo. About 24 feet long, the squid died in the process of being caught. The photo was made out of the video they filmed. (AP Photo/Tsunemi Kubodera of the National Science Museum of Japan, HO)

Nothing Personal, But You're Out!

2006-12-19T06:02:00.000-08:00

NASA Launches Probe To Inform Pluto Of Demotion

In August, the International Astronomical Union downgraded Pluto to a dwarf planet. The panel of experts met to officially redefine the characteristics of a planet. To deliver the news to the distant orb about its newly lowered status, scientists at NASA's Kennedy Space Center launched a special messenger probe in September.

"It's tough, but we thought giving it to Pluto straight was the right thing to do," NASA Chief Engineer James Wood said. "After all, it put in 76 years as our ninth planet—it just didn't seem fair to break the news with an impersonal radio transmission beamed from Earth."

The Consoler probe is scheduled to reach Pluto in 2016. Upon landing on the planetoid's surface, the probe will relay to Pluto the news of its demotion, then orbit the tiny celestial body and radio messages of gratitude for its eons of planetary service to convince Pluto that it is still a highly valued part of the solar system's configuration.

"Pluto is more than 3.5 billion miles from the sun," Wood said. "Launching that probe felt like the best way to avoid alienating it any further."

Wood said Consoler will "take pains" to explain to Pluto that the reasons for the demotion "had nothing to do with anything it did personally."

"It was a great planet, and it will be a great dwarf planet," Wood said of Pluto's tenure. "No one is questioning its orbit around the sun, and of course Pluto's gravity and pressure gradient force is plenty sufficient to maintain hydrostatic equilibrium. Pluto still has three moons: Charon, Hydra and Nix. No one's going to take that away from it."

Scientists at NASA have taken precautions that word of the demotion will not reach Pluto before Consoler does. The New Horizons probe, which will pass by Pluto in July 2015, has been instructed to maintain radio silence. It is, however, programmed to congratulate nearby Eris and Ceres for their promotion from asteroids to dwarf planets.

"The Consoler probe will reach Pluto on a Friday, if our calculations are correct," Wood said. "It's always better to do this kind of thing right before the weekend."

Shrek the Third Trailer

2006-12-16T19:24:00.000-08:00

Mummy's Curse Turns Around & Bites Them on Dusty Asses

2006-12-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population

CAIRO — As the sun sets over Cairo, the streets are eerily quiet. Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt's indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate. If nothing is done, experts say, the Egyptian mummy will soon go the way of the Bavarian lycanthrope or the Transylvanian vampire, and vanish forever.

Afterlife Preservation Society president James Amarcas said he can recall a time when Egyptians did not have to go to a museum, but could look out their window and see an entire herd of shroud-wrapped forms staggering on missions of revenge.

"My grandchildren have still never seen a mummy," said Amarcas, who vividly recalls his first mummy sighting in 1947, when he was just 3 years old. "These terrible monsters are little more than a legend to them. It's sad to think they might never see the bloodthirsty march of an undead Egyptian prince on a cool, calm night."

Prospects for Egypt's mummies are grim. A population that reached more than 12,000 in 1970 has today dropped to less than 300.

More alarmingly, it appears their natural lifecycle has been permanently disrupted. The Sakkara region had long supported a small number of looters and adventurers dismissive of natives' warnings about supernatural curses, prompting the ancient dormant creatures to emerge and seek fresh revenge — a natural cycle of death and rebirth that for centuries insured a regular habitat for the mummies.

Modern advances, however, have strained this delicate balance. Many of the slow-moving creatures are crushed each year on the superhighways that surround Cairo. Hydroelectric dams along the Nile River destroy countless mummies when rising waters soak through their dusty rags and dissolve their arid, desiccated bodies.

Four millennia ago, Egyptians attempted to preserve their mummies for eternity with deadly curses meant to kill or ward off potential invaders. But the old ways seem to have little effect on modern poachers who bring mummies to the Western world and sell them for millions of dollars to collectors and museums.

In response, a coalition group has proposed the so-called Mummy Conservation Act to the Egyptian Parliament, which aims to create a refuge to protect mummies, relocating them to reserves where they can guard their stone amulets in peace.

"In addition, inhabited tombs would be put on 24-hour surveillance, mummies would be tagged with tracking collars, and many items would be banned from all tombs," Amarcas said. "Especially torches, as mummies are very susceptible to fire."

The bill would also put severe restrictions on tourists eager to catch a glimpse of the breathtaking monsters.

"These people have no respect for the mummies' environment, and do irreparable harm to the precious crowns, elaborate masks, and golden staffs the mummies need to survive in the afterlife," mummy activist Adjo Quaashie said. "Without these most basic worldly possessions, the mummy is rendered helpless on its voyage to the next world on the barge of the god Osiris."

"Shawabti shobek, djed dromos, ankh amun!" Quaashie added, invoking an ancient incantation for raising the dead.

Experts suspect many mummies have simply become disoriented and wandered off their usual migratory paths, while others are thought to be doggedly pursuing trespassers who disturbed their sanctuaries, even as the foreign visitors return to their home countries thousands of miles away.

Most conservation groups, however, stress that Egyptians should focus on preserving the mummies that still remain, though recent efforts to increase their numbers by breeding them in captivity have failed, since mummies are dead and therefore cannot reproduce.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 700860: Tendril

2006-11-27T10:27:00.000-08:00

Mutant Arm Hair Care Record

from The Associated Press

Jackson, WI - Hair care is important to Jon Sanford, especially the care of one specific hair.

The Jackson, Wisconsin, man has a strand on his arm that's more than four inches long. He calls it his mutant hair.

Now, he's trying to get a Guinness record for the world's longest arm hair. The current mark stands at just less than four inches.

Jackson says he's sent all the paperwork to the Guinness people. Not everyone is impressed with his long arm hair. Jackson's mother, Sue Sanford, says it's "gross." But Jackson's daughter Molly calls it cool.

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Tendril
Mutant Abilities: Single, freaky-long arm hair; tickling people on elevator without trying.

Hard Hobbit To Make

2006-11-24T07:16:00.000-08:00

McKellen Talks Hobbit Controversy

from Dark Horizons

Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellen, revealed on Wednesday he is upset over recent talk that director Peter Jackson may not make a film based on author J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit.

"On my own account, I am very sad as I should have relished re-visiting Middle Earth with Peter again as team-leader. It's hard to imagine any other director matching his achievement in Tolkien country" he said in a posting on his official site.

Despite this week's letter from Jackson, many industry insiders still expect him to be involved on the project and that this public spectacle is merely childish negotiating tactics from both parties over both the deal and the outstanding Fellowship lawsuit.

"We will have to await developments but being an optimist I am hoping that New Line, MGM and Wingnut can settle outstanding problems so that the long expected Hobbit is filmed sooner rather than later," McKellen added in his post.

For now though speculation continues with some wild talk at The One Ring that Spider-Man helmer Sam Raimi has been contacted about potentially helming.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 377110: The Cerepuss Three

2006-11-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Brazilian student Cassia Aparecida de Souza, 18, holds her cat Mimi together with what Cassia claims are Mimi's own offsprings born with dog traits last Friday, three months after mating with a neighbour's dog, in the southern Brazilian city of Passo Fundo, Rio Grande do Sul state, November 15, 2006. A geneticist from the Passo Fundo University plans to take blood samples from the animals to verify the claim by Cassia and her husband Rogerio that the puppies are part of Mimi's litter of six, of which the three that were born with cat features died soon after birth, leaving the surviving three dog-like offsprings. (REUTERS/Edison Vara)

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename The Cerepuss Three
Mutant Abilities: Three dog-like cats...or cat-like dogs. Cogs? Dats? Puttens? Kippies?! Whatever. Either way, their own mortal enemies.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 981002: Skyscraper

2006-11-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

China's Xi Shun, the world's tallest living man, walks in downtown Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2006. Shun, who is in Brazil to launch the 2007 edition of Guinness World Records, is 7 feet, 8.95 inches tall. (AP Photo/Andre Luiz Mello)

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Skyscraper
Mutant Abilities: Supersize

It's a Lizard-Alien-Eat-Human-Baby World, Baby!

2006-10-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

My Bloodline Would Mix Well with That of an Advanced Reptilian Race

by Edwin F. Blakely in The Onion

I guess you could say I've always been a status-conscious person. But I'm not one of these "to the manor born" types who, despite looking and talking like a regular human being, is actually one of an ancient race of lizard aliens residing on another plane of reality who have secretly controlled mankind since the dawn of time. However, that doesn't mean I can't still seek to improve my standing in the New World Order. Warm-blooded though I may be, I remain a viable candidate, and I firmly believe that, given the chance, my particular DNA would mix well with that of an advanced reptilian species bent on subsuming humans to its unknowable will.

So I have ambition — why shouldn't I? The fact that I come from a long line of humans descended from higher apes shouldn't automatically preclude me from promotion within the hidden society that rules the Earth. My parents may have been homo sapiens, but that doesn't mean I don't want better for my children, and their children. And their children's reptilian–human children. After all, that's what America is all about.

I can trace my family tree back past the Mayflower to the reign of the hybrid reptoid female known to human annals as "Queen Elizabeth." It's a fairly impressive genetic legacy, yet I will always be looked down upon as "inferior" by those who slither across the real corridors of power.

Why? Because my bloodline — unlike that of the Bushes, Clintons, Rockefellers, and others whose names, were they revealed, would astound you — has never entered a shape-shifting, bloodsucking union with those shadowy reptile overlords. But I have plans for me and mine beyond mammalian servitude. The Blakely name deserves better!

I'm well aware that this is an honor few can expect to achieve. Finding a suitable mate with whom to start interbreeding among the lizard-men would undoubtedly be a step up the interdimensional social ladder for my family. And I know for a fact that my chromosomes are up to the task.

Just take a look at my pedigree: My father was a very successful banker. My grandmother was a musician of some note who wrote three piano concertos that are still performed today. And my great-great-uncle Tobias, God rest his monkey soul, invented a new type of industrial solvent, earning a small fortune at the turn of the 20th century, and solidifying our reputation as persons of significance. True, it wasn't a mind-control ray, or a high-energy anti-gravity propulsion device, but, considering that he lacked the inherent advantage of a hyper-advanced, overly rational, emotionless reptile brain, that's quite an accomplishment.

No doubt there are many people, descended from the vastly inferior genetic pool of primates, who would be envious of my standing in life. But power, wealth, and luxury are as nothing to me when I think of the shape-shifting reptile nobility who operate behind the scenes, pulling the strings, directing the human race hither and thither according to designs and calculations beyond our ken.

I want my children to be part of that. I want my DNA to be fused with the ruling cold-blooded super-race. Is that so wrong? For a man to want a better life for his offspring?

They say it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. But I know it's actually a lizard-alien-eat-human-baby world, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to be part of their invisible ranks. It may not be easy, but sacrifices must be made to get what you want, and social standing comes first, even if must be earned by drinking the blood of infants.

I only hope the power players in the Draconian Galaxy see my merit, and accept me. I would do your lizard-people proud.

One Small Leap for a Grammar

2006-10-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

Software Finds Missing 'A' in Armstrong's Moon Quote

from The Associated Press

HOUSTON, Texas - That's one small word for astronaut Neil Armstrong, one giant revision for grammar sticklers everywhere.

An Australian computer programmer says he found the missing "a" from Armstrong's famous first words from the moon in 1969, when the world heard the phrase, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

The story was reported in Saturday's editions of the Houston Chronicle.

Some historians and critics have dogged Armstrong for not saying the more dramatic and grammatically correct, "One small step for a man..." in the version he transmitted to NASA's Mission Control. Without the missing "a," Armstrong essentially said, "One small step for mankind, one giant leap for mankind."

The famous astronaut has maintained he intended to say it properly and believes he did. Thanks to some high-tech sound-editing software, computer programmer Peter Shann Ford might have proved Armstrong right.

Ford said he downloaded the audio recording of Armstrong's words from a NASA Web site and analyzed the statement with software that allows disabled people to communicate through computers using their nerve impulses.

In a graphical representation of the famous phrase, Ford said he found evidence that the missing "a" was spoken and transmitted to NASA.

"I have reviewed the data and Peter Ford's analysis of it, and I find the technology interesting and useful," Armstrong said in a statement. "I also find his conclusion persuasive. Persuasive is the appropriate word."

Will the Action Figure Come with a Crack Pipe?

2006-09-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

Downey Is Iron Man

from Sci-Fi Wire

Robert Downey Jr. has been cast as Tony Stark in Jon Favreau's Iron Man movie for Marvel Studios, Variety reported. The movie, based on the classic Marvel Comics character, is set for release by Paramount in May 2008. It will be the first to be self-financed by Marvel.

Downey will play Stark, a wealthy industrialist who invents a high-tech suit of body armor that gives him superpowers when he is kidnapped.

In the comics, Stark was an alcoholic, a trait that will undoubtedly draw public comparisons with Downey's own struggles with substance abuse, the trade paper reported. But Marvel production president Kevin Feige told the trade paper that the first Iron Man movie won't deal with Stark's alcohol problems, though it would likely come up in potential sequels.

The first film will deal with Stark's invention of the Iron Man suit and his conflicted past as a weapons inventor. Principal photography on Iron Man is set to begin in February.

Heather Has Two Mummies

2006-09-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

CSI Crew Finds Real Corpse on Set

from Zap2It

Dead bodies are an everyday occurrence on the set of CSI: NY - except when they're real.

On Tuesday, Sept. 12, an actual mummified body was found inside of a Los Angeles building where the show was filming an episode that just happened to center on the discovery of a mummified body, reports People.

A source close to the production says that the body "was discovered by a building engineer who checked on the tenant because he had not paid rent for the month." Production was underway on the seventh floor of the building, only two floors above where the body was found.

An autopsy will be performed to determine the cause of death.

'Aaaaaand...cut! That's a wrap.'

Very Fine Line Between 'Zombie Mob' & 'Haight HempFest'

2006-08-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

Zombies Invade San Francisco

from LaughingSquid

SAN FRANCISCO - Quick, run to the nearest shopping mall and lock yourself in. This afternoon San Francisco was invaded by a brain-eating mob of zombies. The zombies were first sighted at the corner of Sansome and Market Street, then they proceed up Market Street, converting innocent bystanders into the undead as they slowly marched on. Then they turned up Powell Street at the cable car turnaround, sending the tourists away screaming as they waited. After claiming Union Square as their own, they then went back down toward Market where they proceeded to invade the flagship San Francisco Apple store, breifly taking part in the Bandwidth Shindig! which was taking place upstairs. Their current whereabouts are unknown, but rumor has it that they were looking for a “think tank” to find more Brains!!!!

Got Some New Toys & Stuff This Week...

2006-08-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

Demons, Druids & Bards

2006-08-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

British Police Anti-Speed Demon Becomes a Druid

from AFP

British police anti-speed demon becomes a druid Fri Aug 11, 11:20 AM ET

LONDON - A senior British police officer infamous for his dislike of speeding drivers joined an order of Welsh bards and was immediately told one of his many speedgun victims was the group's archdruid.

North Wales Police chief constable Richard Brunstrom - known as "the godfather of the speed camera" to readers of the Police Federation's official magazine - joined the Gordsedd of Bards at the annual National Eisteddfod.

The order, which counts Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, the spiritual head of the worldwide Anglican communion, among its number, rewards people who have made a significant contribution to the Welsh language and culture.

But after welcoming robe-wearing new recruits in the ceremonial stone circle at the week-long Welsh arts festival near Swansea, south Wales, Archdruid Selwyn Iolen said he himself had fallen foul of Brunstrom's anti-speeding zeal.

He was recently clocked travelling at 36 miles (58 kilometres) per hour in a 30 miles per hour zone while rushing home to watch a football match.

"Forget the three (penalty) points. That's what he (Brunstrom) told me," Iolen said. "I don't think he meant it though, or he would get the sack."

Brunstrom, 52, was nominated to the gorsedd's highest rank of druid and can now be called "Spider" after taking the Welsh translation "Prif Copyn" as his bardic title.

"Prif Copyn" is a pun on the Welsh phrase for chief constable, "prif gwnstabl".

The Gorsedd of Bards dates back to 1792 and is supposedly based on ancient druidic practices.

Members include poets, writers, musicians and artists among others.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 111111: Glimpse

2006-08-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

Cyclopian Child Born in Chennai, India

from BoingBoing

Scott Carney, a tech journalist who lives in Chennai, India, says:

A one-eyed child suffering from a rare chromosomal disorder known as cyclopia was born in a hospital in Chennai earlier this week. The disorder occurs during pregnancy when the cells that constitute the forebrain fail to develop properly and fuse into a single eye. Instances of cyclopia are generally attributed to outside factors like ambient pollution, radiation, drugs and the introduction of other agents that can alter fetal development.

The pictures bare an eerie resemblance to images of Love Canal, a suburban community built on top of the most notorious toxic waste dump in New York State. While the small town was still populated, several children were born without eyes and cancer was hundreds of times the normal rate.

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Glimpse
Mutant Abilities: Cyclops, kinda creepy when he winks at you, impenetrable virginity

Dark Lord of Sith & Produce

2006-08-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Chad Vader, Channel 101 Series About Sith Grocery Story Manager

from BoingBoing

Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager is a series of short films about a cyborg Sith Lord who runs the day-shift at a grocery store, creeping out the boss by calling him "Emperor," hitting on the checkout girl, and feuding with the night-shift manager. Sheer hilarity! Link, Part 2.

Bus Shmus!

2006-08-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

Inventor Selling Jet Packs for $200,000

from Exploding Cigar

Inventor Rick Herron is planning on selling a jet pack which can propel a 200 lb user for up to 5 minutes. Herron, founder of Starwalker Jets, already has FAA approval for the 90-pound personal rocket.

Batman vs. Joker vs....Penguin?

2006-08-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Penguin in The Dark Knight?

from Cinescape

According to Batman on Film, the upcoming sequel to Batman Begins, entitled The Dark Knight, may feature Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.

Batman on Film writes, "This comes in from one of my best sources who previously gave up the scoop Katie Holmes and Ken Watanabe's casting in Begins, as well as confirming an offer had made to Ledger). Here goes:

"As you have long suspected, the two main villains in the Batman Begins sequel will be The Joker and The Penquin. I can confirm that an offer has been made to Philip Seymour Hoffman for the role. Yet Hoffman has indicated that he may not get involved in the sequel."

Could the upcoming sequel feature both Penguin and Joker? If so, let's hope they are balanced better than Two Face and the Riddler in a previous debacle of a Batman film.

Spock: Inaction Figure

2006-08-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

'Spock Is Not a Toy'

from Sploid

The communists who run Canada held a bizarre secret "tribunal" that made ancient Egyptian religion the equal of Christianity and outlawed the marketing of Mr. Spock figurines as "toys."

Canada's International Trade Tribunal issued the sweeping rulings to stop the Franklin Mint, a U.S. trinket manufacturer, from claiming its collectibles of Star Trek characters, cartoon harlot Betty Boop and "Wizard of Oz" midgets "amuse and please" the Canadians who buy the things.

As a result, Franklin Mint can't get away with paying the lesser "toy tariff" on the exports, and instead must pay a higher duty to send the kitsch junk up north.

The once-secret proceedings also reveal the primitive conditions under which Canadian children are forced to live:

"It is common knowledge that a child will play for hours with an empty cardboard box, a paper bag or a stick. Thus, the tribunal is of the view that amusement alone does not make an object a toy for the purpose of tariff classification," said the tribunal in a report finally made public last month.

But the U.S. company did win a battle for pagans, because the Canadian tribunal ruled that Franklin Mint's cheesy copies of Egyptian pharaonic cat gods are basically the same thing as a bleeding Jesus on the cross.

"It decreed that a dead faith like ancient Egyptian deity worship should be accorded the same treatment as live religions when it comes to tariff rates," the Globe and Mail reported last week.

"This ruling means that a Franklin Mint figurine representing the Egyptian Cat goddess Bast has been reclassified as a 'religious statuette' for the purposes of border tariffs."

The border tariffs for such religious gewgaws is lower than for regular non-religious crap that Canadians are addicted to buying.

To hear Franklin Mint representative John Mark Morton tell it, Canadians are compelled to put the horrible figurines everywhere - even at their offices.

"They want to convey the idea that they are intelligent and so, you know, you have - someone comes in your office and you have this Star Trek mini bell jar [figurine] sitting on your desk and they go, 'Oh, you're a Trekkie, I'm a Trekkie too,' and it conveys a feeling that you are intelligent," Morton argued at the tribunal, which was conducted under a veil of secrecy in December.

Never before had Star Trek fanaticism been presented as a positive thing.

"Why do we have tariffs on 'religious statuettes' and collector's items at all?" asked Patrick Bowman of Toronto in comments on the Globe and Mail's website.

"Somehow I can't bring myself to belief that our own manufacturers of Canadian kitsch desperately need tariff protection from those multinational kitsch conglomerates. How much money is wasted every year with trade tribunals and enforcement of mindless regulations like this?"

A commenter from British Columbia added, "Thanks to the Canadian International Trade Tribunal I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

Other Canadians wondered why such absurd tariffs even exist when both Canada and the United States are reportedly operating under the North American Free Trade Agreement.

Merlin vs. David Blaine vs. Illyana Rasputin vs. Houdini vs. Amanda Sefton vs. Elphaba vs. Morgana vs. David Copperfield vs. Glinda vs. Dr. Strange...

2006-08-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

Magicians Battle It Out for World Title

from The Associated Press

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Cards sailed through the air to the rhythm of Chopin, and a rabbit — predictably — was pulled out of a hat as contestants from China to the Virgin Islands on Monday kicked off the World Championship of Magic.

The prize: lucrative contracts for stage shows in Las Vegas, Paris and Monaco.

Some 156 magicians from 64 countries are taking part in the main event, while thousands of others are performing in public shows, street acts and even workshops.

The performers each get 10 minutes on stage to impress a panel of judges, with the best advancing to a final session on Saturday, when the winners will be decided, said Dag Lofalk, president of the organizing committee.

Seth Engstrom, 18, is competing for Sweden in close-up magic, where magicians use slight-of-hand and small objects such as cards and coins. The other section of the main event is stage magic, with grand illusions involving humans and other props.

"It is always the creative ones who win," said Engstrom of his idea of mixing card magic and Chopin's piano music. "They want you to come up with new ideas."

The contest is closed to the public, but followed closely by the more than 2,500 magicians — from as far away as China, New Zealand, Macau and the Virgin Islands — who have gathered in Stockholm for the event.

The championship began in 1948 and has lately been held every three years.

Magicians use the event to learn from each other — but keep their closely guarded secrets to themselves. However, the public will get their share of magic as well, with hundreds of magicians taking part in shows, lectures and workshops, and doing tricks on the streets and in parks, Lofalk said.

"This is the first time we try to open the event up a bit more to the public, to give them a chance to see the acts as well," he said.

Got a New Toy Today...And by 'New' I Mean 'Kinda Old' & by 'Toy' I Mean 'Toys' & by 'Today' I Mean 'Last Week'

2006-08-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

Alpha Flight's Sasquatch and Vindicator action figures. Remember when Alpha Flight first came out and Jean-Marie had a split personality, Northstar was still acting straight, Snowbird had postcognition, and Shaman used to pull cool tricks from his pouch - like a staff that made flying creatures suddenly still in mid-air or seeds that turned into entangling roots? That was cool. (And then it went to Hell.) And the word 'Plodex" (Marrina's native race) still pops in my head about once a week. Thanks, John Byrne.

Edit: Ooh! And Nemesis with her one-atom-thin sword! Yeah, those were the days...

For Sale: Ugly-Ass Mermaid - Bid Now!

2006-07-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

Ebay Sea Monster

from Sploid

Mermaid or sea monster or something much, much worse?

That's what the lucky (or unlucky) winner of a strange eBay auction is now hoping to find out.

The bidder "Mystery Museum" paid $1,550 for the "dead" sea monster, leading some monster watchers to speculate that the bizarre beach find will join other freakish things in some sort of public display, somewhere.

The seller, known only as "Sea Mystery," described the discovery of the enigmatic creature from below:

"While exploring desolate areas of Fort Desoto Beach at the southern end of St. Petersburg, here in Florida, I came upon a rather startling discovery. Before me lay what at first appeared to be a very large strange fish. Shocked and amazed, I realized I had found another mermaid or sea monster."

Another sea monster?

Sea Mystery continues: "Looking over her graceful body, I realized what a special creature she must had been in life. Was she the missing link between primates and fish?"

After assuring bidders that the sea monster photographs were not digitally manipulated, the seller offers some final details.

"The entire body has been determined to be covered in once living fish skin with scales," the seller writes. "I have drilled a small hole in the back of the head so that it can be hung up on a wall for display."

'Ugh...if I survive this, I swear to God, I'll never drink again!' Silly scylla, there is no God! And now you're dead and hanging in the den from a hole in your skull. Dumbass.

Xtober

2006-07-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

X-Men 3 Hits DVD in October

from Cinescape / Hollywood Report

X-Men: The Last Stand will come to DVD in the fourth-quarter of this year. 20th Century Fox will reportedly announce on Friday that the movie will hit shelves on October 3, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The film has made over $233 million at the box office and will be released in two extra-laden special editions.

The highlight of the third X-Men movie's DVD debut: three alternative endings, each with optional commentary by director Brett Ratner. The single-disc DVD release also includes 10 deleted scenes; audio commentaries from Ratner, the writers and the producers; a preview of the upcoming Ben Stiller movie A Night at the Museum; and two hidden "Easter eggs," one of the Beast reciting Shakespeare and the other of the X-Jet landing in Washington.

Fox also is preparing a collector's edition that includes an exclusive 100-page commemorative book with an all-new story penned by Marvel Comics master Stan Lee. It is his first original Marvel Comics book in five years.

In addition, Fox is packaging all three X-Men movies into a trilogy pack.

'AAAAH! W-What the Fuck Is That?! No! Don't Bri-AAAAAAAH! Jesus Christ, Get It Off Me! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!'

2006-07-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

A newly-born panda cub is seen on the back of its mother at the Wolong Giant Panda Protection Center, in southwest China's Sichuan province, July 22, 2006. A 16-year-old panda named Bai Xue gave birth to the 160-gram female cub on July 22. The panda cub was the first to be born at the Wolong center this year. Picture taken July 22, 2006. CHINA OUT REUTERS/China Daily (CHINA)

'Beeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!'

2006-07-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Illiterate Spirit Frustrates Ouija-Board Players

from The Onion

STRATTANVILLE, PA — Late-night attempts to contact the spirit world proved more frustrating than enlightening for a slumber party of Strattanville teens Saturday when the only specter they were able to contact suffered from borderline illiteracy, sources said.

The poorly educated revenant frustrated the séance participants, who quickly grew impatient with such otherworldly messages as "W-U-R-N-N-G—F-U-M—B-A-Y-O-N—T-H-E—G-R-A-V" and other hard-to-interpret information.

Organizer Olivia Bamberger, 13, said they were all "embarrassed for the guy," and finally asked the wraith to tell them the future and "sound out the big words."

2008? 2008.

2006-07-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

Iron Mandarin

2006-07-24T22:43:00.000-07:00

Mandarin Is Villain in Iron Man

from Cinescape

Jon Favreau, director of Iron Man, confirmed at the Comic Con that the villain in the upcoming film would be Mandarin.

The Mandarin was a Marvel Comics supervillain, a scientific genius who sought world domination. Mandarin had no superpowers, but was a superb athlete and had tremendous martial arts skills. He uses ten rings which respond to his mental commands as weapons.

In Iron Man, troubled billionaire Tony Stark creates a life support suit to assist him after a life threatening accident. He ultimately decides to use its technology to fight evil and crime.

"The suit will be more like a weapons platform than a flying suit – more of a War Machine-feel to it," said Favreau at the Comic Con.

Jedi Master Yoga

2006-07-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

Matthew McConaughey Episode IV:

A New Hope

from Defamer

Photographs of Matthew McConaughey's recent coastal yoga routine continue to offer inspiration to legions of Photoshop blasphemists everywhere, as a highly ambitious animated gif submitted to a BestWeekEver.tv contest imagines a Star Wars universe in which the Rebels leave the Millenium Falcon behind to fly a shirtless, sand-encrusted McConaughey on a suicide mission to destroy the Death Star. Ultimately, however, McConaughey's daredevil pilots fail in their mission to use his beach body powers to fire two proton torpedoes down a thermal exhaust port that leads directly the reactor core, and the actor meets an untimely, sexy end between Darth Vader's crosshairs.

That's This Weekend?! Dammit!Was This Weekend. Dammit.

2006-07-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Comic-Con International attendees wait in line to register on the first day of the convention at the San Diego Convention Center, Thursday, July 20, 2006, in San Diego. Comic-Con, the nation's largest celebration of comic books and pop culture, runs through Sunday, July 23. (AP Photo/Denis Poroy)

So If You See a Monkey in a Tutu Holding a Vodka Bottle While Waiting for a Bus in the Rain, It Might Not the Acid Kicking In

2006-07-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

And, once their backs are turned, Bobo attempts another daring escape.

Circus Monkey's Bike Stolen

from Sploid

Anonymous thieves in Ulan-Ude, the capital of the Russian republic of Buryatia, stole a motorcyle that was specially designed for a circus monkey. As a result, the circus has been effectively ruined.

The gloomy backwater of Ulan-Ude is known mainly as a reliable source of orphans and zinc. To play host to a performing simian transport scandal is, if anything, a refreshing pleasure.

The circus' show was cancelled due to the lack of a replacement motorcycle. This strange development suggests that the monkey-on-a-bike routine took up a large portion, if not the only portion, of the tragic Russian circus.

The victims were too horrified and humiliated to report the incident to the police, and instead are hoping that the criminals will return the bike once they figure out they can't ride it.

This should work out just fine, unless the thieves are monkeys from a rival circus.

Meanwhile, Back on Kryptin...

2006-07-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Superman II 2.0

from E! Online

Superman Returns sequel or no, Man of Steel fans are getting a new movie. Make that, a new old movie.

A reconstructed version of 1980's Superman II, largely featuring footage shot and ditched nearly 30 years ago, including 15 minutes worth of Marlon Brando espousing fatherly advice from "Kryp-tin," will be released on DVD on Nov. 28, Warner Home Video announced Friday.

Not a "special" or "expanded" edition, Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut, named after the film's original director, is billed as an unprecedented do-over.

"With this DVD release, Richard Donner has become the first director in history to be able to complete a film he left during production," Warners said in a statement.

Donner was shooting Superman II along with 1978's Superman: The Movie when, as Warners delicately put it, "creative differences...became irreconcilable." Translation: Donner was fired - after he finished Superman, but before he finished Superman II.

The Superman II that subsequently opened in theaters, played on TV, got issued on video, and reissued on DVD is credited to A Hard Day's Night's Richard Lester, who reshot, reworked and finished the movie.

Not to be pushed aside, Lester's version (which contains more than a few feet of the Donner footage, but none of the Donner-directed Brando scenes) is also getting a new DVD release.

In fact, in Lucasfilm fashion, Warners will be issuing - or, rather reissuing - all four Christopher Reeve-led Superman movies, from the original 1978 opus to 1987's Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. The films were issued separately and as a four-disc set just five years ago.

This time out, the movies will all feature commentary tracks; last time out, only Superman: The Movie did. And, this time out, there will be two Superman IIs to choose from.

"This looks like the holy grail. It does," Barry Freiman of SupermanHomepage.com said of the Donner Superman II. "From what I've seen so far, it looks like it's going to be what anybody wants."

In a recent interview with iFMagazine.com, Superman Returns director Bryan Singer said he'd seen the first 20 minutes of the Donner cut, "and it was awesome."

Singer told the site one sequence he saw was recreated using Reeve's and Margot Kidder's old screen tests for Clark Kent and Lois Lane, respectively.

"It was such an impressive thing to watch," Singer said.

According to Warners, the Donner Superman II features a different opening and ending than the Lester Superman II. The reinstated Brando appears in "three pivotal scenes," according to Superman Cinema. And the "Lester Humour," as the fan site put it, has been "reduced or completely cut out."

Among those presumably pleased is Kidder, who last year raved about Donner's "really, really fabulous" lost film to a Canadian comic convention audience.

"So, there is somewhere, in a vault, wonderful Dick Donner Superman II scenes with Christopher and I, and I'd love you to write Warner Bros. and ask where it is," Kidder said, according to ComicsContinuum.com.

While the Donner vision is now realized, the future of the big-screen Superman franchise is unclear.

TMZ.com reported this month that Warners will pass on a Superman Returns sequel unless the movie, reported to have cost as "little" as $204 million or as much as $260 million, cracks $200 million at the domestic box office. As of Thursday, per BoxOfficeMojo.com, the film stood at $171 million.

In Dalivision

2006-07-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

Momentarily headless : The gymnist Katherine Coronel of Venezuela performs her routine during the rhythmic gymnastics competition at the 20th Juegos Deportivos Centroamericanos y del Caribe in Cartagena, Colombia. (AFP/Martin Bernetti)

Superbun!Casabunbun!Bunky!Bunnyshack!

2006-07-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Superman: The Movie!

Casablanca!

Rocky!

Caddyshack!

Tomorrow's News Today...What Will Bryan Singer Reveal ...Tomorrow...?! Oooohhhh...

2006-07-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Singer Will Helm Superman Sequel

from Sci-Fi Wire

Bryan Singer told fans at Comic-Con International in San Diego July 22 that he intends to direct a sequel to Superman Returns for 2009. "I haven't concluded a deal to do it yet, which is always iffy," Singer told a crowd of several hundred fans. "But my intention is to do it. My intention is to do it for 2009. And it would be sort of like, where this one sort of introduced the characters and the universe to some degree, which required some measure of reintroduction, because it had been several years since it had been around, this one, the next one, enables me to get all Wrath of Khan on it," a reference to the second Star Trek film.

Singer also brought a surprise guest with him: Richard Donner, the director of the original 1978 Superman film, who screened rare outtake footage from Superman II, featuring Margot Kidder and Christopher Reeve. Singer also showed fans a blooper reel from Superman Returns.

Phase 1.0: Infiltrate.the/Organics

2006-07-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

Robot Uprising at Osaka University

from Sploid

The Machines have finally launched their long-feared insurrection, infiltrating the faculty of one of Japan's leading university.

When students arrive at Hiroshi Ishiguro's class at Osaka University, they are completely unaware of the nefarious force in their midst. There Ishiguro sits blinking, jiggling his foot, his shoulders rising and falling with is breath. Any suspicions they might have about the strange hue of his complexion are dispelled when he opens his mouth and starts talking.

"Everyone, thank you so much for coming today."

Ishiguro is a senior researcher at ATR Intelligent Robotics and Communication Laboratories outside Kyoto. Weary of the hour's drive to his teaching job, Ishiguro built Geminoid HI-1 so he could "robot in" to class.

"The idea is tele-interaction," says Ishiguro, head of the university's Intelligent Robotics Laboratory. "If I access the android through the internet, I do not need to go to ATR anymore."

Geminoid HI-1 is an exact replica in almost every way. He was built from casts made of Ishiguro's body and speaks in his voice. The andriod's lips move in sync with motion detectors the roboticist wears on his own lips. The silicon-and-steel Ishiguro's movements are driven by pressurized air and small actuators.

"If I could have one at the university, and one at ATR, I would just do all my work from a hot-springs resort," the mad scientist laughs.

And that's exactly what the Machines are hoping for.

But It's Only Corny-Ass DC Heroes! I Mean, Plastic-Man?!Wake Me When It's Marvel

2006-07-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

This image provided by the U.S. Postal Service shows new 39-cent and 24-cent postage stamps featuring Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl and half a dozen other superheros, which will be released Thurday, July 20, 2006, and will go on sale in the U.S. Friday. (AP Photo/U.S. Postal Service)

Brokeback Joker?

2006-07-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

Heath Ledger Is The Joker?

from Dark Horizons

For months, gossip has been circulating who would play The Joker in the Batman Begins sequel which will concentrate on the Clown Prince of Crime.

Now, Latino Review who first revealed that Brandon Routh was going to be the new Superman, has heard from a very trusted source that the offer last night was officially made to Heath Ledger to star as The Joker in the sequel.

Seems an unusual choice, much younger than expected considering other mentioned names have included Robin Williams and Paul Bettany. The tall and lanky Ledger has proven himself to be a solid awards-calibre actor who can disappear into a performance.

Playing evil though, certainly something he hasn't done before.

Monsters Shmonsters!

2006-07-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Child Assured Most Monsters Do Not Exist

from The Onion

MOSCOW, ID — Four-year-old Roy MacMillan, a frequent observer of monsters in his closet, under his bed, and behind his drapes, was reassured by his parents that the vast majority of these creatures do not exist.

"You're just being a silly boy — you've seen scary monsters a hundred times lately, and I'll bet you were imagining at least half of them," Roy's mother, Tracy, told her son after he rushed into their room late Monday night. "There's only room in your closet for three or four monsters, honey. Or two very, very big ones with sharp teeth and long claws."

Steven MacMillan reiterated his wife's reassurances, explaining that he would certainly protect his son from all but the very biggest, strongest, meanest monsters, although those would probably be full after killing and eating Roy's mom and dad first and wouldn't come for Roy until a few months later when he's at the orphanage.

Gypsy Shmypsy!

2006-07-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

Old Gypsy Woman Run Over Without Consequence

from The Onion

CHICAGO — Area motorist Moe Balaczs is not showing any signs of weight loss, suppurating lesions, dementia, blindness, or any other grave maladies two weeks after maiming an 83-year-old Gypsy woman with his Ford Excursion.

"I have to tell you, it's a relief to suffer no repercussions after dragging a wizened crone in a black babushka under my truck for a block and a half," said Balaczs, who did not report the accident in an effort to escape arcane retaliation. "I really thought I'd be vomiting scorpions and weeping centipedes by now."

Balaczs added that, now that the old superstitions about curses and "evil eyes" have been proven to be wives' tales, he will not be concerned about running over old gypsy women in the future.

'Alien Abduction' Comes in 3rd Behind 'Vulcan Battle-to-Death' & 'Rescue from Jabba' in VH-1's Most Romantic Geek Proposals

2006-07-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Wedding planning is a group effort.

Man Fights Aliens, Then Pops the Question

from The Associated Press

ROSWELL, N.M. - Ross Savedra fought aliens to rescue his girlfriend, then popped the question in an out-of-this-world proposal. Savedra, 32, staged his elaborate proposal Sunday afternoon for Ariana Ash, 23, with the help for family members and Roswell's UFO Museum.

Savedra and Ash were touring the museum when a silver-suited, masked alien from an exhibit called "alien autopsy" suddenly abducted Ash from in front of a group of tourists. Savedra dashed through the crowd, fought two aliens and rescued her.

Then he dropped to his knees, presented her a ring and asked her to marry him.

They embraced in a cloud of shiny colored confetti tossed by onlookers and were applauded by tourists who had been tipped off by the aliens — Ash's brother-in-law and stepfather.

"By the way, everyone, she said yes," Julie Shuster, the museum's director, announced over the sound system.

Savedra, a Roswell native, chose the museum for his proposal because of its uniqueness. Shuster said it was a first for the museum.

"She's always calling me her alien man," Savedra said of his fiance.

Savedra and Ash, of Albuquerque, have been seeing each other for about three years.

Ash's family traveled secretly to Roswell to witness the proposal after a month of planning beforehand.

Her mother, Margie Farrar, and sister Naomi sneaked through the museum behind the couple, waiting for them to get to the alien autopsy display, and working to keep Naomi's young daughter from getting a glimpse of Ash and yelling for her.

"It was fun," said alien Nick Caffey, Ash's brother-in-law.

"It was great," said the other alien, John Farrar, her stepfather.

Ash had celebrated her birthday in Roswell, but her family couldn't let her know they were in town, Farrar said.

"We had to call her on our cell phones, even though we were in the same hotel, upstairs," he said.

Awwww...I'll Take TwoI Mean Four!Wait, No, Two!

2006-07-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

Two-Faced Pussy

from Sploid

Four-footed ducks, albino lobsters, two-headed turtles...what'll Mother Nature think of next? How about a two-faced cat?

Just such a monstrosity was born to a mother cat in Ohio this week. The beast in question has two pairs of eyes that have not yet open, two mouths which meow in unison and two noses. Two other kittens from the same litter are perfectly normal.

Like most children, the boy who owns the newborn mutant is fascinated by freaks of nature. He hasn't yet settled on a name, but he's leaning towards "Tiger."

The family vet says that though two-faced cats are far more rare than two-faced people, there's every reason to believe this cat will live a normal life. He's already started nursing alongside his siblings.

Here's hoping that "Tiger" fares better than January's mutant kitty, Cy. The one-eyed, noseless feline lasted just days before she was taken to the giant sandbox in the sky.

Winner: Immortalization in Sidebar!
added to: The Real Mutant Menace!
New mutant, codename Double Felix
Mutant Abilities: Two faced, stereo, drinks milk really, really fast

Gashlycrumb Sci-Friday: K

2006-07-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

K is for Kraken...

...and your crew? Warm snacks.

Kraken. Kuh. Kraken.

ABC Affiliates: A B C D E F G H I J K

X-Men 3: The Last Standing Ovation'And These Claws Are Fabulous! Watch: Snikt! Jazz Hands! Couldn't You Just Die?!'

2006-07-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

'Now pay attention this goddam time!'

'Aaand it's one-two-three-spin, bam-step, JAZZ HANDS-one-two-one-two-aaaand-BIG FINISH!'

First Look: Wolverine! The Musical!

from Defamer

ChocolateCakeCity.com, the people behind Brokeback to the Future, are back again with a trailer for X-Men-3: The Last Standing Ovation. It's the story of a loner mutant who, tormented by recurring flashbacks of showtune snippets and sparkly costumes, seeks to uncover the truth about his high-kicking, musical theater past. Will his retractable adamantium claws get in the way of mastering Fosse's exacting, jazz-hands-heavy choreography? Will he help Chorus Boy, a young mutant with amazing triple-threat gifts, work through his mutant-related issues? And, most importantly, will he make his second act finale costume change in time? The trailer offers few answers, so you'll have to suffer the interminable wait for its theatrical release to find out.

Bloodthirsty Monster KFangaroos?!Devil Ducks of Doom?!Why Didn't Anyone Come Get Me?!Man, I Was Born in the Wrong Era!

2006-07-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

"'Have I ever been eating olive?!' Why, that's a strange question, Roo! And a strange way to ask! Of course, I love olives, and I lov-" And it was over. One bounce, and Tigger was babbling his foolishness unaware of his peril. And with the next bounce - more like a plop, really - his entrails had escaped through a grisly yet precise rip across his belly, and they spilled around him in steaming ropes of scarlet horror, tangling him, bringing him down. Down to Roo. He was still smiling - the pain hadn't yet reached that peanut rattling around in his skull - when he realized what it was that Roo was so greedily devouring. It looked very familiar. It wasn't his tail - he could see that twitching a few feet away. But it did look ver...oh. It was him. The him part of him, to be exact. Before he could scream or prattle off one of those rhymes Roo so despised, a quick rip at the throat silenced The Meal. Tigger could only gasp and gurgle in horror, spitting blood silently as his one remaining arm flapped impotently at the cute little bugger. "You hear that, motherfucker!" snarled Roo, finishing the secondt testicle. "ALIVE! Eaten ALIVE! Dipshit!" As Tigger struggled for a rhyme with "disembowlment," Roo sampled an eye.

Kangaroo Carnivores

from Sploid

Startling new evidence proves that Australia was once ruled by bloodthirsty monster kangaroos that galloped across the outback and killed everything in sight with their massive fangs.

"The flesh-eating marsupial would have lived between 10 and 20 million years ago," the BBC reported today.

Even normal kangaroos are little more than "hopping death," but the very idea of viciously carnivorous 'roos has chilled Australians.

That's because had such beasts roamed the island continent when England first began dumping its most loathsome criminals in Australia, there is little chance the weak and amoral convicts could've survived.

Paleontologists working the dig in Queensland have found more than 20 "previously unknown creatures," including a carnivorous attack bird they call the "demon duck of doom."

But are the "killer kangaroos" truly extinct?

Just three years ago - also in Queensland - a monster kangaroo attacked people in town until a desperate man killed the 6-foot-tall beast with an axe.

"It was killed or be killed," John Crouch told the Bundaberg News-Mail.

"I'm absolutely sure it would have killed us if it could. It was completely crazy and became enraged without provocation."

Both Crouch and his wife were badly injured.

'It Is Not Human, But It Seems To Be Human-Like'

2006-07-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

Bigfoot Has No DNA!

from Sploid

Recent testing on a severed hand that has stumped police and cryptologists alike for years shows the shocking truth about Bigfoot: the legendary man-beast has no DNA.

After years of research, compiling data from experts across the country, Bigfoot hunter Tom Biscardi has proven that the monster he's been chasing all these years is a lifeform completely foreign to anything that modern science has even considered.

In 2001, a hand was anonymously delivered to police in Butte, Montana. Assuming they had evidence of a crime, cops handed it over to the coroner for testing. The coroner's report said the hand in question was not human.

Obviously aware of Bigfoot's long history in Montana - and under-worked, police kept looking for answers. Finally, unable to determine the origin of the hand, they turned to local outdoorsman and Bigfoot Researcher Don Monroe.

Monroe took the hand from one lab to another, but no one could identify it. Desperate for answers, he turned to colleague Tom Biscardi. The two had met on the Bigfoot circuit and respected one another's research.

Biscardi's initial DNA test results inched the mystery closer to the light, "not human, not any known primate...not in the system..."

He then turned to Dr. Todd L. Reese, D.C., to study the anatomy of the hand. The Idaho chiropractor confirmed previous tests, "I have compared the bone structure to bears, apes and other animals...and cannot come up with any tangible answers...it is not human, but it seems to be human-like."

The next stop for the "hand of unknown origin" was the DNA Diagnostic Center in Fairfield, Ohio. The report, signed by forensic analysts Kathryn McHenry and Julie Heinig, Ph.D., cleared up once and for all why no one could identify the species.

Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) Results:DNA extraction and human quantisation were performed on items 01.A and 01.B (sections of tissue).

CONCLUSION:No DNA was obtained from items 01.A and 01.B

With this latest breakthrough, Biscardi has whittled the story of Bigfoot down to three possibilities: he's either our oldest living ancestor, the next step in evolution or an alien!

You Have the Right To Remain Incorporeal, Anything You Maon May Be Used Against You, You Have the Right to a Shaman...

2006-07-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Indian Cops Called to Investigate Ghosts

from The Assocaited Press

NEW DELHI - Malevolent ghosts stealing your chickens and torturing you in the night? Who you gonna call? For farmer Sunil Das, his first call was the police, who laughed at what they thought was a joke, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Tuesday.

But a judge in India's northeastern state of Assam saw little humor in Das' allegation that ghosts controlled by his neighbors were making off with his poultry at night. Instead of laughing, the judge ordered police to get to work and find the culprits, the newspaper reported.

In his complaint, Sunil Das accused his neighbors of using their "obedient but malevolent" ghosts, "subjecting me to physical and mental torture," the newspaper reported.

Das said his neighbors were notorious for using black magic against people they had a grudge against.

Superstitions and belief in ghosts are widespread across India, particularly in rural villages.

Nevertheless, police working the case said it was a first for them.

"We have dealt with hardcore criminals and armed militants but this is the first time we are required to pursue a case with a spooky angle to it," the newspaper quoted a local police officer as saying.

"We are yet to crack the case but investigations are on," said the unidentified officer.

File Under: I Did Not Know That

2006-07-10T23:45:00.000-07:00

Jeff Albertson

The Unwitch of Pungo

2006-07-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Va. Gov. Gives Informal Pardon to Witch

from The Associated Press

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - The Witch of Pungo is no longer a witch. Gov. Timothy M. Kaine on Monday gave an informal pardon to Grace Sherwood, who 300 years ago became Virginia's only person convicted as a witch tried by water.

"I am pleased to officially restore the good name of Grace Sherwood," Kaine wrote in a letter Virginia Beach Mayor Meyera Oberndorf read aloud before a re-enactment of Sherwood's being dropped into the river.

"With 300 years of hindsight, we all certainly can agree that trial by water is an injustice," Kaine wrote. "We also can celebrate the fact that a woman's equality is constitutionally protected today, and women have the freedom to pursue their hopes and dreams."

Sherwood, a midwife who at times wore men's clothes, lived in what today is the rural Pungo neighborhood, and she later became known as "The Witch of Pungo."

Her neighbors thought she was a witch who ruined crops, killed livestock and conjured storms, and she went to court a dozen times, either to fight witchcraft charges or to sue her accusers for slander.

She was 46 when she was accused in her final case of using her powers to cause a neighbor to miscarry.

On July 10, 1706, Sherwood was dropped into the Lynnhaven River and floated - which was considered proof she was guilty because the pure water cast out her evil spirit, according to the belief system of the time. The theory behind the ducking test was that if she sank, she was innocent, although she would also drown.

Sherwood may have been jailed until 1714, when records show she paid back taxes and with the help of then-Gov. Alexander Spotswood she was able to reclaim her property. She then lived quietly until her death at 80.

Belinda Nash, 59, has been researching Sherwood for years and asked for the governor to exonerate the woman. A group annually remembers Sherwood with a re-enactment in the river.

For Monday's ceremony attended by about 60 people, the re-enactment took place on land - in front of the Ferry Plantation House, a historic home where Nash volunteers as director and, dressed in costume, tells visitors about Sherwood. The courthouse where part of Sherwood's trial took place was located on the old plantation property.

Nash's daughter, Danielle Sheets, was tied cross-bound, her thumbs to her toes, and placed in a small boat, just as Sherwood would have been.

"I be not a witch. I be a healer," Sheets shouted, in character. "Before this day be through, ye will all get a worse ducking than I."

Although the skies had been clear, as the real Sherwood was pulled from the water, a downpour supposedly started. The sky remained clear Monday.

Pointless Things Twentysomething Virgins Do To Pass the Time, Example 91

2006-07-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Crickets vs. Pac-Man

from Sploid

The insect world has chosen sides in the inevitable battle between Man and Machines. The crickets have taken up the fight by guiding the enemy forces of the arcade classic Pac-Man.

Wim van Eck has written up a report on his graduation project and submitted it to the 2006 International Conference on Entertainment. Van Eck has rebuilt Pac-Man, but instead of Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde following the same predictable patterns every time, their actions are controlled by the savvy crickets running through a maze. As the crickets go, so go the ghosts.

"Donkey Kong will never get tired of throwing heavy barrels at you, or strain a muscle, or get hungry and just eat the princess. After playing a computer game for some time, you know what you can expect from it," explains van Eck.

To capture the random movements of the crickets, van Eck "built a real maze for the animals to walk around in, with its proportions and layout matching the maze of the computer game. The position of the animals in the maze is detected using colour-tracking via a camera, and linked to the ghosts in the game. This way, the real animals are directly controlling the virtual ghosts."

To mimic the ghosts' flight tendency, van Eck programmed the maze to vibrate wherever Pac-Man eats a power pill that enables it to eat ghosts. Crickets naturally flee from vibrations.

What the Duck?!

2006-07-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

CHINA - Zhang Baoxiu, a farmer, shows an odd duck with 4 legs at Minzhu village in Zaozhuang city, east China's Shandong Province, July 7, 2006. Zhang Baoxiu bought a duck in June, 2006. The duck has four legs, two of 4 webbed feet are normal, and the others grow together. The duck can walk on land and swim in the water like other normal ducks. (Photo: cnsphoto.com)

'Query: Father, Why Have Y'all Forsaken Me?'

2006-07-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

Farmer Forced To Disband Robo-Army

from Sploid

China's most famous amateur robot maker has been forced to sell his army of servants to pay off his debts.

As Wu Yulu watches home movies of his beloved Wu Laowu lighting cigarettes and serving tea, the sadness is palpable. Losing a loved one is hard enough, selling one is heartbreaking.

"I couldn't sleep well for several days after selling the child, but I had no other choice. I had to pay off my debts," said Wu.

Wu, 44, has been rummaging through the scrap heaps of eastern Beijing for 26 years. He scrounges for anything he can find to build his beloved robots.

Though poverty forced him to drop out of school after at age 12, Wu's passion for robots has never waned.

"At that time, I didn't even know the term 'robot'," Wu said. "But in my spare time from farming, I tried to collect everything that could be used in those movable things.

"I loved to play with robots. The cleverer they became, the deeper the emotional link I felt to them. Later, I began to call them my sons."

In 1999, a fire burned down his home, leaving him and his wife with nothing. His neighbors generously gave money so he could rebuild. A year later, unable to read the English language warning on a used battery, he suffered horrible burns on his hands and spent weeks in the hospital.

"When I tested the tube, it exploded in my hands. I remember a big fireball suddenly burst out, and I lost my memory," he recalled.

Between the medical bills and the money for the new house - plus loans to fund further robot building - Wu found himself $11,000 in debt.

Though his wife has been running a school out of their home and he's been hired by China Central Television to build customized robots, the debts were crushing. Now Wu has been forced to disband his robot army.

"The neighbors would not mention money, but I had to show them some consideration," he said. "I felt terrible, but had no choice. An institute affiliated to the Chinese Academy of Sciences bought one of the robots for "several thousand."

Just last month Yulu captured headlines with his most recent creation, Number 8, a rickshaw-pulling robot. With ping pong eyeballs, a sponge mouth and enough battery power to travel five miles, the 5-foot, 10-inch robot was ready to change the face of city travel.

Between the fires and the poverty, Wu's wife, Dong Shuyan, tries to keep her sense of humor.

"When we got married, everyone warned me he would care more about his robots than about me," she said, "but on the other hand, at least he doesn't drink or chase other women."

Vlad the Impaled

2006-07-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

Romanian Government Puts Final Nail in the Coffin of Dracula Theme Park

from AFP

BUCHAREST - Dracula's eternal sleep can remain undisturbed after Romanian authorities decided to scrap a project for an amusement park dedicated to everybody's favourite vampire.

Following a plague of difficulties, the Romanian government spelt the death of the theme park project in Snagov, a resort town some 40 kilometres (25 miles) north of Bucharest once favoured by late Communist dictator Nicolae Ceaucescu.

The Dracula Park company had under the former Social Democrat government in 2003 acquired the right to build the park on a 460-hectare (1,150-acre) piece of land near Snagov, where Dracula himself or rather Vlad Tepes, the inspiration for the fictional character of the vampire, is buried.

It had also been promised state funds for construction but the contract was found to be full of "irregularities" and was cancelled, the government said Friday.

Initially, the park was to be built near Sighisoara, a medieval city and UN World Heritage site in central Romania where Vlad, also known as The Impaler, was born.

But the idea was abandoned following criticism from UNESCO, environmental groups and historians, including the Mihai Eminescu Trust, a foundation dedicated to maintaining Transylvanian heritage, supported by Britain's Prince Charles.

The project's supporters then chose to move it to the outskirts of Bucharest which could guarantee better infrastructure and a greater number of potential tourists.

But major investors with a stake in the project gradually withdrew following its well-publicised difficulties and the company found itself without funds.

Dracula, the dentally-challenged creation by Irish novelist Bram Stoker based on the figure of Vlad, a 15th-century prince who notoriously impaled his victims, was to be the central figure of the theme park.

A God Among Geeks

2006-07-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, over at the Dungeons & Dragons message boards, the birthplace of the name Shadowfoot and the original inspiration for starting this particular blog, I have, at long last, become a god...

The Thread in Question:
Wizards Community > Dungeons & Dragons > D&D Fundamentals > Classes and Prestige Classes
Shadowfoot's LINKS
Page 3 of 3

10-01-03, 03:52 PM
Shadowfoot
Location: West Hollywood, California

[Content of the thread - see below]

Last edited by Shadowfoot : 02-16-05 at 03:34 AM.

* Background/Explanation: You can click here to see the actual post/thread. It's the directory of links to all the original material I'd written and posted for D&D, representing several years of almost daily work and obsession. D&D is a component-based game, and it invites you to create new components to add to your own games - from a new type of weapon to a new magic spell to even a whole new world of your own design. Anything you create, however, has to be balanced against the very detailed and logical set of official rules, which span many hundreds and thousands of pages of official rulebooks. It can be tricky and requires a bit of thought and a lot of creativity to create something that fits well with the game. People would often post their creations on the boards for feedback to ensure they were balanced or just to show others something they may like to use in their own games. That's what I did: I wrote components for other players to adopt in their own games.

Mostly, I created what are called new "core classes" or "base classes" (or simply "classes") - which are the basic occupations of the game (alongside the standard classes like Wizard, Druid, Bard, and Paladin, I created new classes such as Witch, Swashbuckler, Jester, and Ninja), Since I felt that core classes should only represent basic fantasy archetypes, and there are a finite number of those in fantasy as it is, I created only a handful of new core classes - well, quite a few, actually, but a handful compared to the vast number of new "prestige classes" I also created. Prestige classes (PrCs) are advanced occupations or specializations that a character can, if he/she qualifies, pursue later in their career. A wizard, for example, might eventually adopt a PrC specializing in, say, fire magic, runes, or alchemy at the expense of the versatility remaining a straight wizard might afford. PrCs offer flavor and niches that the more general core classes avoided by definition. They are open to any character who meets the requirements, but most PrCs are geared or based on a specific core class, who may be able to qualify for it more easily than other classes. Some of my original prestige classes include the Dark Clown, Gallant, Zen Archer, Chicken Wrangler, Inexplicable, Sniper, Hillbilly, Lord of Flies, and Paragon of Beauty. I also created many new spells and spell domains, new feats (tricks/skills you can learn), and the occasional new race or new monster, like the Djan, Cinderelle, and Gremlin. I also held occasional contests for people on the boards to enter - such a contest for the best original religious core class or the best original love-themed prestige class - and they become pretty popular, and my structure, rules, winning categories, and format for contests sorta became the standard template others used for their own contests. I also maintained two separate compendiums that compiled all the standard/official classes and prestige classes, both official/published ones and original/homebrew ones that people - like me - posted to the boards.

Every time I posted some new creation or updated/revised an existing one, I updated this directory and added a link to the new item or the date of its update - and a link to this directory appeared in my signature whenever I posted anything, even a reply to someone else's thread.

Even though I didn't actually play D&D, hadn't since I was about 13, writing original content was a huge part of my adult life for several years. And over the years, I developed a bit of a following on the boards - my original stuff was plentiful and largely very well liked. I don't have many skills, but creating original D&D material is probably one of my better ones - I have a knack for the flavor and the logic/rules of new material. But then, well over a year ago now, I simply got burned out on D&D and stopped posting new material to the boards - and then stopped posting even replies to the boards entirely. Without word, I disappeared, retired, left my compendiums adrift and left replies and questions unanswered. I now just pop in from time to time to read what people say about my creations, but I don't reply or post anything. In a year, I've only posted once - a reply thanking someone for bumping every single one of my threads so they would not get deleted during an upcoming prune. Other than that, I've been silent and only observe. I haven't had much of a desire to return to D&D - although with my pending move to New Jersey and chance to start a new career, I've been thinking of going back to it - this time, as an occupation. We'll see.

What's a bump and what's a prune? On a message board, threads (a post and its replies) appear ranked in order of activity - threads recently replied to appear at the top of the first page of that board, "older" threads that haven't received a reply in, say, a year may be exiled on page 300 and, therefore, rarely if ever seen. When a message board gets too big, the administrators may conduct what is called a board "pruning" or "prune," in which they delete all older threads - say, all threads after page 25. Threads that did not receive a reply recently enough to land on page 25 or before are then deleted forever.

To "bump" a thread - often indicated with the smilie - means to reply to it, which knocks it to the very top of that particular board - from page 300 to page 1, for example. This ensures that others see the thread who might otherwise never see it, and, if a prune has been announced, ensures the thread is not deleted forever. People often bump their own threads for one of these two reasons - but it's a little shameless. It's considered like patting yourself on the back. It's better if someone else bumps your thread because they find merit or value in it - and they want others to see it as well, and they don't want the particular thread destroyed by a prune.

In the last day, there's been a number of replies to this particular directory of mine, with people wondering what happened to me, when I might return, bumping the thread (a board prune has been announced) and then getting really geeky to propose theories to explain my disappearance - the popular theory is that I've ascended to godhood. And then, and it's quite flattering, someone created a prestige class based on me - for followers of my D&D stuff. I've waited for someone to do something like that for years.

And that's what this blog entry is all about.*

The last dozen or so replies:

10-08-05, 03:42 PM
lightman
Location: The planet that you Pathetic Humans call "Earth"

bump *
__________________

10-08-05, 04:16 PM
Xorial
Location: McKenzie, TN

Funny, I was thinking that this thread needed a .
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#75 10-08-05, 10:54 PM
syrinth
Location: Amanodel, Silvastari

Yay! I wanted to bring these suckers up but I was afraid of getting yelled at for resurrecting such an old thread.

PS: SHADOWFOOT YOU ROCK!
__________________

#76 10-09-05, 12:33 AM
Silent Infinity
Location: Pascoag, RI

There is no need for resurrection.

Like the wisest of the hierophant druids, Shadowfoot bides his time in the calm serenity of the world waiting for the right time to unveil the genius of his contemplation.
__________________

#77 10-09-05, 01:39 AM
Rafilar Irithyl
Location: Myth Drannor, Cormanthor, Cormanthyr

Ia, Ia, Shadowfoot Ftaghn!
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#78 12-23-05, 09:49 AM
Xorial

This is a shameless for one of my fave poster's work. I am tempted to go thru & all of his threads linked here. They are getting ready to prune the boards and I dont want to take a chance that these may be lost.
__________________

#79 07-02-06, 12:53 AM
Xorial

Been awhile since I this thread. I hope some day that the bug bites Shadowfoot again & he starts where he left off.
__________________

#80 07-02-06, 12:56 AM
Shedeo
Location: What's round on the sides and Hi in the middle?

Xorial, I really couldn't agree with you more. I hope he comes back (soon ) because,... Well, his stuff is amazing. His were the first classes I saw when getting to the boards, so I always consider them to be the standard I go against. A high and unique standard indeed.
__________________

#81 07-02-06, 10:35 PM
Xorial

Maybe we all need to sit around in a circle & start chanting his name. Maybe we can conjure him back to the boards that way.
__________________

#82 07-03-06, 03:00 AM
Rafilar Irithyl

If we say his name three times he'll be summoned from Aldebaran.
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#83 07-03-06, 10:05 AM
the_taken
Location: GTA

Are you sure? I'm betting he's created his own demi-plane by now.
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#84 07-03-06, 10:54 AM
Izodor_Shadowcaster
Location: Plane of Shadow, Castle of Xantry-Ki

a demi-plane??? I think he rules his own layer in the Abbyss and commands his own demon army.
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#85 07-03-06, 11:15 AM
the_taken

Or maybe he expanded his demi-plane to the point where it's become part of the Abyss. As the demon prince Emeross Blackbile said "Oh no! He's shifted his demi-plane between the 665th and my now 667th!"
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#86 07-03-06, 11:18 AM
Shedeo

*will now make a character that becomes the first Cleric of Shadowfoot!*

Now we need a Diciple of Shadowfoot PrC. Not only for humor's sake, but because the name sounds pretty slick, too.
__________________

#87 07-03-06, 02:10 PM
Xorial

All hail Shadowfoot, the Maker & Creator. lord of all that is really neat & fun.
__________________

#88 Today, 09:08 PM
vampymage

Love your work

__________________

#89 Today, 09:29 PM
Mastermage

Come back Shadowfoot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shedeo
*will now make a character that becomes the first Cleric of Shadowfoot!*

Don't forget to put July 6 as his/her holyist holdiday - the day Shadowfoot left his normal life and joined the hobyiest on the Wizards boards. Gaining prestege and acclaim on the boards, he quickly became one of the most beloved creaters. Finally, his worshiper count became great enough he acencded into godhood, forever memorialized in the hearts and minds of his loyal fans.

May this day be rembered forever.
__________________

#90 Today, 11:38 PM
Szatany
Location: Gdansk, Poland

Disciple of Shadowfoot

A Disciple of Shadowfoot, presumably laughing.

Disciples of Shadowfoot are the followers of an enigmatic and mysterious being known as Shadowfoot. This creature is often depicted as a vicious demon-like clown, although this visage has no reflection in its personality - Shadowfoot is said to be calm, knowledgable, and obliging. According to the written records, the first person to actually worship the Shadowfoot was a human only known as Thasis. He was the first disciple among many.

Disciples of Shadowfoot are people from all walks of life that noticed Shadowfoot's greatness (whether it actually exists or not) and decided to live by it. Disciples devote themselves to live by Shadowfoot's teachings (also known as Shadowfoot's Links), to finally achieve full transcendence beyond the plane of RAW and join their mentor in the afterlife, sortoff.

Prerequisites
To become a disciple of shadowfoot, a character must meet the following criteria:
- character level 3
- a character must be devoted follower of Shadowfoot and must have visited each of its Links at least once
- a character must have been affected by at least 2 different house rules during the course of his or her life

Class Skills
All skills are class skills to The Disciple of Shadowfoot. Shadowfoot demands nothing less than perfection. (Well, not really, I'm just lazy to go through skill list)

Skill Points at Each Level: 6 + Int modifier.

Hit Dice: d8

Base
Attack Fort Ref Will
Level Bonus Save Save Save Special

1st +0 +2 +0 +2 Code of conduct, homebrewed 1/day
2nd +1 +3 +0 +3 Bonus vaganza, chicken familiar
3rd +2 +3 +1 +3 Summon bobo
4th +3 +4 +1 +4 Homebrewed 2/day
5th +3 +4 +1 +4 Master's radiance
6th +4 +5 +2 +5 Bonus vaganza, foot of shadow
7th +5 +5 +2 +5 Homebrewed 3/day
8th +6/+1 +6 +2 +6 Summon bobo horde
9th +6/+1 +6 +3 +6 Bonus vaganza
10th +7/+2 +7 +3 +7 Homebrewed 4/day, transcendence

CLASS FEATURES
All of the following are class features of the Disciple of Shadowfoot.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Disciples are proficient with all simple weapons, as well as light and medium armor and shields (except tower shields).

Code of Conduct: Each Disciple of Shadowfoot must follow the tenets and teaching of the Shadowfoot, or the path to their master will be lost forever. Every day, a disciple must visit at least 3 separate Links at least once. If he doesn't, he loses all abilities of this prestige class until he attones.

Homebrewed (Ex): At 1st level, a Disciple of Shadowfoot can harness power of one of Shadowfoot's Links. Once per day, he can swap all his levels in disciple PrC with the same amount of levels in any class or prestige class found within the Links. He need not meet the prerequisites of any of those classes. The change lasts for a number of minutes equal disciple's level.

Bonus Vaganza: At 2nd level, a disciple gains one feat found in the Links. Every day, in the morning, a disciple can change this feat to any other feat withing the Links. A disciple gains another such feat at 5th and 8th level.

Chicken Familiar (Ex): At 2nd level, a disciple acquires chicken familiar. Treat this familiar as wizard's one. If the disciple has levels in a spellcasting class, that familiar can actually be useful. Familiar's ability is +3 bonus on jump checks.

Summon Bobo (Su): A number of times per day equal to disciple's Charisma bonus (minimum once), he can summon monstrosity known as bobo. Link*. Bobo is completly obedient to the disciple and will carry even suicidal orders. Bobo remains summoned for 1 minute/level after which time it disappears in a burst of hysteric laughter.

* - this link belongs to the Shadowfoot. Clicking it can be used as part of upkeeping code of conduct.

Master's Radiance (Ex): A Disciple of Shadowfoot is naturally predisposed to excel at various competitions. Thanks to his master's blessing, he automatically wins all Contests where he would be compared to members of other classes.

Foot of Shadow (Su): At 6th level, a Disciple of Shadowfoot can call forth a minor manifestation of his master's greatness...sort of. As a full-round action, he screams his master's name and a huge (3x3 squares) dark-colored foot of shadow appears anywhere within 100 feet and squashed everything beneath it. Foot of shadow deals 1d6 points of damage per 2 character levels of disciple. Will save (DC 15 + disciple level + disciple's Cha modifier), as well as genuine astonisment allows to disbelief the effect. No creature can be genuinely astonished more than once in lifetime (unless treated with modify memory, mind rape, and the like).

Summon Bobo Horde (Su): As summon bobo ability, but the disciple conjures 2d6 of those buggers instead. This ability costs two uses of summon bobo ability.

Transcendence (Su): At 10th level, a disciple finally becomes one with the Shadowfoot. He no longer needs to visit Links to gain all benefits of this class and can make up Shadowfoot's quotes and claim that Shadowfoot itself actually asked him to do that.

This was written by me, Szatany, as an homage, sort of.
Stay Shadowy mr. Foot

It Always Starts with Bugs, Doesn't It? Then It's Mice, Then It's Puppies & Next Thing You Know, a Hooker's Dead

2006-07-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

Ants on Stilts

from Sploid

Scientists have found a whole new way to mess with insects.

A group of budding sadists at the University of Ulm took a bunch of ants and cut off their legs, and then took another bunch of ants and put them on stilts made out of pig hairs. The ostensible purpose of the experiment was to see if ants measure distance by counting their steps.

And indeed it seems they do. Ants with shortened legs tended to "think" they'd walked farther than they had, while ants on stilts consistently overshot their marks.

In addition to proving that ants have tiny pedometers implanted in what passes for their brains, the experiment also showed that scientists have some crazy ideas about what is fun and hip.

For example, Robert Johnson, an ecologist at Arizona State University, pronounced the experiment's results "cool."

"It's like riding your bike and [having someone] change the size of the wheels without telling you," he said, which would be true if people walked around on wheels of flesh that could be altered by enormous god-like scientists who thought it was "cool" to do that sort of thing.

Harald Wolf, the researcher who headed the study, said that nobody should feel bad about dismembering a bunch of silly old ants. He said the insects don't feel pain, "at least not in a sense even remotely comparable to what we mean by that term."

According to the New York Times, Wolf says the ants "don't seem to mind" being bothered by Germans with a fetish for circus equipment.

Got a New Toy Today...He's My First in Awhile So, Y'Know, Kinda Horny

2006-07-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

Capt sks #1

2006-07-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

Star Trek Swingers!

from Sploid

Lonely Star Trek fanatics no longer have to watch Star Trek reruns or read Star Trek websites in social isolation, thanks to a new dating service called Trek Passions.

The free service lets male Star Trek fans search in vain for a female Trekkie.

Actually, all such searches aren't in vain. According to the Christian Science Monitor, about 25% of the registered members are women:

"Megan, a college student in a Chicago suburb who asked that only her first name be used, is one. She joined three months ago looking for fellow sci-fi fans. 'There's not a lot of them around where I live,' she says.

"In many ways the site attracts about what you'd expect. One person interviewed for this story left the endearingly rambling voice mail of a man not entirely comfortable with women. And some profiles seem to be written in another language: A TOS-TNG-DS9 Fan Looking For par'Machi.'"

Did I Leave the Cage Unlocked?!

2006-06-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

Italian Restaurant Finds 6 Gnomes on Roof

from The Associated Press

BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Six garden gnomes arrived atop Poppi's Italian Family Kitchen about the time of the summer solstice — facing the sunrise — and the restaurant's owner says it's OK for them to stay.

"We've noticed there's fewer pigeons. We think they're afraid of the gnomes," owner Dan Perryman said Thursday.

Perryman suspects area teenagers placed the gnomes atop the restaurant; no employees have admitted taking part in the prank.

Sinbad?Argonauts?!Titans?!?Harryhausen Still Making Movies from the Grave!What?! He's Not Dead?!

2006-06-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

New Harryhausen Movies Due

from Sci-Fi Wire

Legendary visual-effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen's unproduced works may see the light of day now that independent production company Mindfire Entertainment has optioned the material for films, Mindfire's chief executive officer Mark Altman told SCI FI Wire. "We respect Ray Harryhausen," Altman said in an interview. "So when the opportunity came to get involved, it just seemed like a natural fit. To finally see these things come to the screen is very exciting."

The deal with Mindfire allows for four films to be made under the "Ray Harryhausen Presents" banner and will draw on ideas Harryhausen has had over the years for new Sinbad, Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans movies, as well as a science fiction concept called The Elementals. The deal also includes projects that have "lost world" and "alien invasion" themes. (Mindfire is best known for inexpensive independent genre films such as House of the Dead and Room 6, as well as the theatrical releases Free Enterprise and The Specials.)

"Some of [Harryhausen's] ideas were extremely well thought out," Altman said. "Others are just log lines and notions that Ray was noodling over. Our writers will expand upon these concepts, in consort with Ray, into full stories."

Altman said that the deal initially allows for four films, but could go beyond that number. Altman added that Harryhausen will be actively involved in the development of stories and will oversee special effects. "What he did for his films in the past is what he will bring to his films in the future," Altman said. "It will be Dynarama for a new era. We suspect that a lot of the effects for these films will be done in CGI, but they will contain a feel that will be true to the classic Dynarama process." Altman said that the first film will most likely be shot this fall and will be released sometime in 2007.

Harryhausen is known for his groundbreaking visual effects in films such as Mysterious Island, Jason and the Argonauts, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad and Clash of the Titans. In 1992, Harryhausen received the the Gordon E. Sawyer Award from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, presented to an individual in the motion-picture industry whose technological contributions have brought credit to the industry.

In >related news, Harryhausen will be working in a consultant capacity with San Diego-based Legend Films on the colorization of director Merian C. Cooper's 1935 film version of H. Rider Haggard's novel She. Harryhausen has also signed a contract with U.K.-based trading-card company Strictly Ink to put out a series of trading cards featuring images from his films, as well as preproduction art. No release date for the card set has been announced.

My Vote: Crispin Glover

2006-06-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

Too bad Cyndi Lauper can't act. And that she's, like, 87 or something.

Robin Williams as Joker in Batman Begins 2?

from Cinescape

In a recent interview with IGN, Robin Williams talked about the possibility of playing Joker in Batman Begins 2. While it is all speculation and the role is yet to be cast, it was an interesting interview.

Favorites for the role have not previously included Robin Williams name, but he does have ties with director Christopher Nolan. As such I wouldn't quite rule out the possibility, just take the news with a grain of salt.

Some interesting quotes from the IGN interview:

"Oh God, I'd love to do that one," Williams said regarding playing the Joker.

Williams is famous for his Jack Nicholson impression, but he suspects Nolan would be looking for a new take. "Well, you want to do a different Joker. You know, if they do Arkham Asylum, it would be amazing. Arkham Asylum is one of the greatest, nastiest comic books ever. It's truly, it's like the Marquee de Sade on that level, and wonderfully damaged and quite tragic, in terms of when you realize [what happened to] create these characters..."

Other actors mentioned as possibilities were Adrian Brody or Paul Bettany. While it seems Bettany was looked into regarding the part, news suggests that it is unlikely he will get the role.

The Little Teaser Trailer

2006-06-29T23:51:00.000-07:00

The Amazing Spoiler-Man

2006-06-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

Spider-Man 3 Story Spoilers

from Dark Horizons

A few months back came some script spoilers from the upcoming third Spider-Man film, spoilers which lasted for all of half a day online before Sony forced the article's removal. Now similar spoilers have gone online over at filmick and highlight the context of many of the shots in the trailer (SPOILERS AHEAD). No word how long they'll stay online but they do sound cool and very ambitious.
Amongst the revelations:

Before getting on Peter, the symbiote (the black oil substance) has a rather 50's sci-fi origin (ala The Blob)

In a church bell tower, Eddie Brock (Topher Grace) follows this black Spidey character and sees Peter ripping himself free of the suit - some of which falls onto Brock, causing him to "become" Venom.

For most of the film, Spider-Man is in pursuit of The Sandman. Harry as the Goblin (sans mask) fights Peter early on and returns at the end to aid him in the final confrontation with Sandman and Venom at a construction site.

"Dark Spidey, as it were - Peter before he has overcome Venom - is the one who courts Gwen Stacey. Problems in the relationship with MJ, as well as professional issues compound to bring him down. Even downer than last time. That's how Raimi, Sargent and co are using Venom - as a dramatic device to show Peter not just giving up on his great responsibility, but getting drunk on his great power."

There are scenes inside Curt Connor's lab, where he studies the symbiote, and these scenes are also used to set up the research that will, in the character's story - though not in this movie - turn him into The Lizard.

The Black Cat does not make any significant appearance in the film, despite existing, on paper, in various earlier conceptions.

And the fourth villain? "Makes only a fleeting appearance - Bruce Campbell's character this time around is Quentin Beck, known to fans of the comic as Mysterio."

For more details, including who lives and dies, click here.

3D & D

2006-06-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Dragonlance Animated Movie News

from Cinescape

Toonz Animation, a huge Indian animation company, Commotion Pictures and Epic Level Entertainment are teaming up to produce a Dragonlance animated film to be distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The screenplay was reportedly adapted from Dragons of Autumn Twilight by George Strayton.

Lucy Lawless, who will voice Goldmoon, posted the following on her site:

I just did the voice of an animated cartoon for Paramount, called Dragonlance. Obviously it's a fantasy story, with gods and monsters. I never felt I nailed animated performance before, so wanted to get a handle on it.

I played a character called "Goldmoon," a Native American. We played around with accents awhile. I didn't know she was Native till I got there and so didn't have time to research the accent (not many of those where I come from). More staccato! More commanding! More warm! Less disjointed!...Ummm, do you just want me to do Xena? Ahh, yes! That's it, do Xena! The voice is perfect! So warm, so commanding, so...yeah, yeah, let's get on with it.

It was actually really fun. At last I have done something my friends can actually watch. My son is gratified that I am not playing a bad guy. He can't stand me going to BSG every day to be mean to humans.

Oh well, it's a living!

Other characters that have been cast: Michael Rosenbaum will voice Tanis Half-Elven, Jason Marsden will voice Tasslehoff Burrfoot.
The animation for the film will be a 2D/3D hybrid style which should look similar to that of the Dragonlance comics.

The studios are targeting a PG-13 rating. Previously reported possibilities for a Dragonlance movie, including a Canadian-based film and/or a Henson Muppet project are dead in the water.

Army of the Dead

2006-06-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Zombie Soldier Escapes!

from Sploid

A mysterious empty military casket was found in the Arizona desert near Tucson on Saturday, fueling local fears that a zombie soldier may have escaped.

Two men found the silver coffin in a pile of trash near Interstate 10; the men were reportedly "playing paintball" in the desert.

"When deputies arrived, they opened the casket expecting to find a body but did not," KVOA TV reported. "Instead they found hair and fluid."

Pima County Sheriff's deputies identified the empty casket as belonging to the U.S. military, which they found "particularly suspicious."

"Put out a nationwide broadcast to see if anyone anywhere in the country is missing a military style casket and the body it contained," Lt. Bob Kimmins demanded.

The odd tale took an even stranger twist on Monday, when the same TV news program claimed the casket had been sent to a garbage dump by a mortuary - because the missing soldier's family dug up his coffin, removed the corpse and burned it.

No explanation or evidence was offered for this bizzarre claim, and neither the soldier nor the alleged family have been identified.

"The Pima County Sheriff got a call from the mortuary who said they thought the casket was one they had taken to a local landfill," KVOA reported Monday. "Employees at the landfill also say they had a casket stolen."

It was unclear whether the second "stolen casket" had anything to do with the original empty casket found in the desert, or exactly what kind of landfill keeps inventory of the garbage dumped and buried there.

Just as mysteriously, the "landfill" and its employees have not been identified.

The weird news comes as families of pagan troops killed in the U.S. occupation of Iraq demand the right to bury their loved ones under a magical pagan symbol.

The Veteran's Administration has never authorized the use of Wicca's pentacle on grave markers, even though it allows the use of symbols from 38 other beliefs, including obscure or possibly fictional religions such as Ixumo Taishakyo, Soks Gakkai, Aaronic Order, Seicho-no-ie and Presbyterians.

The online group Military Pagans says Wiccans have been trying to get their symbol recognized for a decade, but VA bureaucrats have yet to simply approve the pentacle.

Some find it ironic that American troops serve a Pentagon - the heart of every Wiccan pentacle - but aren't allowed to have a pentacle mark their final resting place.

The unpopularity of the deadly Iraq occupation has forced the White House to come up with endless schemes to keep troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Stopgap" policies keep soldiers stuck in Iraq long after they were supposed to get out of the service. Miserable recruitment levels have led the Pentagon to start taking the true dregs of society: imbeciles, criminals, the retarded and the elderly.

The Defense Department can't make its new robot soldiers fast enough, and the government's obvious desperation has fueled rumors that "undead soldiers" are being tested and even deployed.

The deep unease about zombie soldiers was expressed by "Uncle Sam," the groundbreaking Isaac Hayes film about a 1991 Gulf War soldier who was killed by "friendly fire" and returned to America as a zombie dressed as Uncle Sam to wreak vengeance on hippies and other people who weren't patriotic.

The 1974 classic "Deathdream" told a similarly poignant tale, in which a Vietnam soldier comes home after being killed in battle. Angry about the war, the undead soldier is also "cursed with the need to kill and inject the blood of others in himself to keep from rotting away."

But most Americans know about the government's zombie troops from the popular Universal Soldier movies of the 1990s.

It Reminds Me...Of Something...

2006-06-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

What Is It?

from Sploid

A bizarre pear-shaped object has been photographed zooming around Saturn by NASA's Cassini spacecraft.

The Cassini mission has already captured striking images of the ringed planets many moons, but this strange thing has yet to be identified.

Beyond its weird pear shape, the enigma has a single "eye."

Only this cryptic explanation was offered on the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory site where the image appears:

"N00061934.jpg was taken on May 23, 2006 and received on Earth May 24, 2006. The camera was pointing toward TETHYS at approximately 509,689 kilometers away, and the image was taken using the CL1 and CL2 filters. This image has not been validated or calibrated. A validated/calibrated image will be archived with the NASA Planetary Data System in 2007."

The space thing was photographed in other positions, as well.

Oh, of course. It's the Shmoo.

Twinkie Sushi?!(I Just Threw Up a Little)

2006-06-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

This photo provided by Ten Speed Press shows the cover of The Twinkies Cookbook: An Inventive and Unexpected Recipe Collection. The book is a 75th anniversary event for Twinkies. Among other joys it guides sophisticated cooks to Twinkie Sushi, and comfort-food devotees to Pumpkin Twinkie Bread Pudding. (AP Photo/Ten Speed Press)

'Query: Did You Really Think You Could Lie to Me, Pathetic Human?'

2006-06-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

Robots Read Your Mind!

from Sploid

They mop our floors, vacuum our rugs, feed our dogs, have sex with us, break up dangerous World Cup fights, clean our pools, perform disgusting surgery on our bodies, and even defuse bombs for our cowardly police.

No, they aren't illegal aliens - these slaves are actually robots.

The robots are everywhere. And in a shocking development, they've learned to feel pain and anger.

Worse yet, they've learned to read our minds.

The new "empathic" robots will be displayed for the amusement of humans at the Royal Society summer science exhibition in London next week.

"Our research could enable websites to tailor advertising or products to your mood," said Peter Robinson, a mad scientist from the University of Cambridge.

"For example, a web cam linked with our software could process your image, encode the correct emotional state and transmit information to a website."

Or, more chillingly, it can figure out when you're most vulnerable to robot attack.

Experts warn that the robots will rise up - it's a matter of when, not if.

The Pentagon is well on its way to creating a fully robotic army. There are already 2,500 robots fighting Washington's wars, and thousands more will be on the battlefield by the end of the year.

As the androids become smarter and faster than humans, there will be little hope for humanity once the robot armies turn on their makers.

One of the most disturbing techniques of the new robots was revealed last month, when U.S. soldiers in Iraq admitted the robots had won both the trust and affection of the troops.

The only way to survive the robot uprising, experts say, is to fight as dirty as a robot fights.

"Have no mercy," advises anti-robot expert Dr. Daniel Wilson. "Your enemy doesn't."

The Second Coming of Zoidberg

2006-06-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

Futurama Resurrected by Comedy Central

from andPop

Matt Groening's other animated series, Futurama, has been given a new life by Comedy Central, three years after the show last aired on prime time.

E! Online reports that the former FOX program has been picked up for a minimum run of 13 brand new episodes, to begin airing in 2008.

"We are thrilled that Matt Groening and 20th Century FOX Television have decided to produce new episodes of Futurama and that Comedy Central will be the first to air them," said Comedy Central's senior VP, David Bernath.

Comedy Central purchased the syndicated rights to the show's 72-episode library last year.

File Under: 'Stories That Made Me Giddy for Reasons I Can't Explain'

2006-06-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

Pluto's Newest Moons Named Hydra & Nix

from Space.com

The International Astronomical Union has officially christened Pluto's two newest satellites Nix and Hydra.

The tiny satellites were discovered by the Hubble Space Telescope last May and are believed to have been formed from the same giant impact that carved out Charon, Pluto's third satellite, discovered in 1978.

The names were proposed this spring by the team that discovered the satellites. Before the satellites received their official names, the satellites were called P1 and P2.

In Greek mythology, Nyx was the goddess of the night and the mother of Charon, the boatsman who ferried souls across the River Styx into the underworld ruled by Pluto. The IAU changed the spelling to "Nix" after the Egyptian spelling of the goddess to avoid confusion with two asteroids that had already been named "Nyx."

The outermost of Pluto's two new satellites is named after Hydra, the nine-headed mythological serpent that guarded Pluto's realm.

"We thought it was an appropriately scary image to be the guard at the gate," said Alan Stern, an astronomer with the Southwest Research Institute who led the team that initially discovered the satellites

Stern said that the team also considered the name Cerberus, the three-headed hound who also guarded the gates to Hades, but rejected it because many people associate Pluto with the Disney cartoon character, and having one object in the system named after a dog was enough.

'Give Me Meatloaf or Give You Death!'

2006-06-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

'Didn't I just tell you to take out the fucking garbage?! Hold out your hand.'

Wife Accused in Swordplay Death of Husband

from Reuters

BEIJING - A Chinese woman has been charged with accidentally killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make her dinner, the Shanghai Daily said on Tuesday.

Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swordsmanship since she was young, had often forced her husband of three years at swordpoint to carry out her demands.

On March 3, her husband, Li Weidong, refused to cook dinner because he was late for work.

Police said Tang picked up her sword and put it on Li's chest and promptly slipped, stabbing Li by mistake.

Li died in hospital from loss of blood.

Tang was arrested Monday and charged with manslaughter.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 70119: Simian

2006-06-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

Indians Tail Monkey Man in Search of Healing Powers

from Financial Express

KOLKATA, India: Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished village in West Bengal to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a "tail."

Devotees say 27-year-old villager Chandre Oraon is an incarnation of the Hindu god Hanuman - worshipped by millions as a symbol of physical strength, perseverance and devotion.

"He climbs up trees, behaves like a monkey and is a strict vegetarian, but he is no god and his condition is just a congenital defect," says Bhushan Chakraborty, the local medical officer.

Tucked away in a hamlet in Banarhat, over 650 km north of Kolkata, devotees wait for hours to see or touch Oraon's 13-inch tail, believing that it has healing powers.

Doctors said the 'tail' - made up of some flesh but mostly of dark hair - was simply a rare physical attribute.

C-3POral

2006-06-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Robot Sex Rules!

from Sploid

Having been lulled into a false sense of security about our ability to confront a robot uprising, scientists have begun to concern themselves with other questions. Like "When it comes to robots, how sexy is too sexy?"

Ironically it's an international team of scientists and academics - perhaps the most sexless demographic this side of a nunnery - that will be compiling a code of sex robot ethics.

Gianmarco Verruggio of the Institute of Intelligent Systems for Automation in Genoa in Italy, is leading the project.

"We have to manage the ethics of the scientists making the robots and the artificial ethics inside the robots," says Verruggio.

Henrik Christensen is among those aiding Verruggio. He says the committee's worries are quite simple.

"Security, safety and sex are the big concerns," said Christensen.

The team is well versed in Isaac Asimov's three laws of robotics:

1. A robot may not harm a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

But how do these rules apply to robo-geishas?

"People are going to be having sex with robots within five years," exclaimed a breathless Christensen.

What Christensen doesn't realize is that he's already too late. People have been gratifying themselves with robots for decades. What's a vibrator but a tiny - but not too tiny - robot? How about the sybian machine or the legendary "fleshlight"? The fact is folks have been turning to robots for comfort for years.

Just last year inventor Michael Harriman, unsatisfied with "real dolls" available in America, introduced Andy, a human-sized robot tart that has an internal heater, a heart that beats faster the more it "enjoys" itself, and a remote-controlled hip-wiggling function. She also has cold feet, "just like in real life."

Harriman's invention isn't unlike the Nazi's gynoid, developed at Himmler's request in hopes that soldiers would lavish their attentions on hygenic robots rather than catch the clap from French prostitutes and the like.

Going back even further into ancient times, folks found all sorts of devices to keep them happy when other folks just wouldn't do. Technically, they don't qualify as robots, but without the humble stone phallus there might never have been an Andy.

Messiah of Steel

2006-06-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Jesus Is Gay!

from Sploid

Christians made the shocking announcement this week that the homosexual Superman in the new summer blockbuster movie is actually Jesus Christ.

"It is so on the nose that anyone who has not caught on that Superman is a Christ figure, you think, 'Who else could it be referring to?'" asked author Steve Skelton, the Christian author of "The Gospel According to the World's Greatest Superhero."

Skelton told the Associated Press that Superman is obviously based on the biblical story of Jesus. That would seem to conflict with widespread reports that the new Superman is, in fact, a gay man in New York.

While the astonishing claim by Christians that their savior is a homosexual may at first seem outlandish, it may also explain Christian hostility to The Da Vinci Code movie, in which Jesus is portrayed as a heterosexual who fathers children with his disciple Mary Magdalene.

"The allusion to Jesus Christ could hardly be accidental," Christian blogger Tom Gilson wrote, according to AP.

And another blogger asked, "Is this a new Superman for the new Evangelist red state America? Superman as Jesus?"

Both Christians and homosexuals seem certain that the new Superman is one of them.

Gays note the new Superman's traditional gay mannerisms and lifestyle, his "Muscle Mary" gym-crafted physique and his "bold queer spirit."

Christians point out that Superman is the only son of a soon-to-be-killed space monster and gets sent in a UFO to the planet Earth, where he grows up in the Midwest and later works for a big-city newspaper while secretly saving people from various super-criminals - much like Jesus in the New Testament.

Could both groups be correct?

The original Gospel According to Mark originally contained a passage that describes the religion of Jesus as a homosexual mystery cult - such mystery religions were popular in the Greek-dominated culture of the Middle East.

An ancient letter from Clement of Alexandria praises an underling for "silencing the unspeakable teachings" of "Secret Mark," specifically the line about "naked man with naked man."

Thought to have been written late in the first century A.D., Mark is the oldest known gospel and the only one that makes no claim of a resurrection. (Original versions simply end at 16:8 with two Marys frightened by their discovery that Jesus' corpse had been moved.) Several holes in the story were filled in by the discovery of a "secret" version of Mark that the church successfully suppressed until letters and fragments were found.

The "gaydar" of biblical scholars was set off by this passage in particular:

"And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God."

While born-again Christians are often hostile to homosexuals and vocally complain about gay entertainment, there are signs that gay culture has merged with Christian culture - most disturbingly in the "Lord's Gym" chain of heartland athletic clubs.

The popular logo for the gym shows a "muscle man" Jesus grunting on the floor with a "cross" figure apparently sodomizing Him. The chain's website plays a slinky disco instrumental track with a rave-style light show around the sweaty Jesus figure.

The message is clear: Big-city health-club scenes have found a home in "straight" America by merging with the popular born-again Christian movement.

Tonight: Elvis, Johnny Cash & Patsy Cline!

2006-06-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Haunted Music Hall

from Sploid

A group of intrepid ghost-hunters have confirmed that the Shreveport Municipal Auditorium is haunted.

The Louisiana Spirits, a paranormal investigation club, spent the night in the famous auditorium and recorded four hours of spooky footage with digital cameras, video cameras, and sound-recording equipment. They were out to capture video of glowing orbs and audio recordings of Electronic Voice Phenomena, which skeptics describe as "the alleged communication by spirits through tape recorders and other electronic devices."

Samples of the recordings are available here. The group claims you can hear voices saying "I love Johnny Cash" and clapping.

The Shreveport Municipal Auditorium was once home to the Louisiana Hayride, a radio program that hosted country legends Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and Tex Ritter, as well as Elvis Presley.

But people used the auditorium for more than just musical hoedowns. A nuclear fallout shelter and the city morgue once occupied the basement.

In addition to catching muddy recordings of background noise, the Spirits also caught a whiff of flowers and baby powder that quickly came and left.

"If any building here in this town has spirits," commented Johnny Wessler, executive director of the Friends of the Municipal Auditorium, "this one does."

Another group, ORION Paranormal, visited the auditorium after the Louisiana Spirits to record footage for an upcoming documentary.

Litterbox of the Damned

2006-06-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

Undead Cat Gives Owner Seizures

from Sploid

With the announcement of the "Rescue Cat of the Year" winners is right around the corner, the list of nominees has already elicited gasps of horror and confusion. A cat who has been using his demonic powers to give his owner seizures, has deluded folks into thinking he's a lifesaver.

Ten years ago, when Tee Cee the zombie cat was but a kitten, he and his siblings were stuffed in a box and thrown into a river. The litter was miraculously rescued by a local do-gooder who brought the box of kitties to a shelter in Sheffield, England.

Michael Edmonds and his family thought they were welcoming a new pet into their home when they adopted Tee Cee. They didn't realize he would soon make Edmonds his very own plaything.

It's unknown what happened in the murky waters of that deadly river, but like many before him, Tee Cee returned from beyond his watery grave with terrifying powers. Not only can Satan's cat give Edmonds seizures, he's also convinced the man and his family that he's predicting the attacks, rather than launching them.

Tee Cee will sit and stare Edmonds in the face until the epilepsy strikes.

"When he first did it I thought it was a one-off," Edmonds said. "But ever since then he just seems to know."

Edmonds' daughter-in-law Samantha Laidler is so hopelessly deluded - or perhaps she's in cahoots with the cat - that she nominated Tee Cee for the "Rescue Cat" awards.

"My step-father has complex epilepsy as well as other health problems and is unable to go out on his own as he can have seizures without warning. We noticed that Tee Cee began staring at my step-father prior to a seizure and then ran to my mother to let her know all is not well, acting as an early warning system," said Laidler.

BRB: Off To Swab a Deck!No, Wait...Off To Rape & Plunder! Much Cooler...

2006-06-17T19:35:00.000-07:00

My pirate name is:

Calico Harry Kidd

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

I Pity Me

2006-06-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

What's Your Mr. T Name?

Fool!

I Already Feel the Pull of the Dark Side...

2006-06-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

Cast off your old name! Your Jedi name is

ROBDA PFLOS of the planet lithium!

Find your Jedi Name!

I'm Already Short & Full of Pipeweed, So...

2006-06-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

What's Your Hobbit Name?

Till Moss of Lake-By-Downs

Query: 'Would a Rose by Any Other Name Decompose at an Equivalent Rate?'

2006-06-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Gashlycrumb Sci-Friday: J

2006-06-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

J is for Jedi...

...that no Sith could take:

Jedi. Juh. Jedi.

ABC Affiliates: A B C D E F G H I J

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet!...Or It's Free!

2006-06-08T14:13:00.001-07:00

Pizza Man Dressed As Superhero Comes To Rescue

from CBS

MINNEAPOLIS - Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman and Luke Pie Rocker?

All of the above have done their part to rid the world of criminals and Luke Pie Rocker is Minnesota's own.

Luke Pie Rocker, a pizza delivery guy in costume in the Uptown area of Minneapolis, spends most of his time tooling around town, making pizza deliveries in his little electric car.

Tuesday night, Luke Pie Rocker became at least one woman's superhero, as he came to the rescue of a robbery victim screaming for help.

"I was leaving a delivery and there was a woman screaming at someone to drop the purse," said Galactic Pizza's Cameron Evans, known as Luke Pie Rocker on his night job.

It was Terry Skarman. She was walking home from work at the Wedge Co-op when a robber snuck up and grabbed her purse. When the robber took off with Skarman's purse, the superhero sprung into action.

"I was getting into my gizmo and realized what I should do and I dropped my pizza bag and went running after," said Evans.

So Luke Pie Rocker and two other men chased the robber. They got to him and got Skarman's purse back.

And if you were wondering what a "gizmo" was, Evans explains.

"This is a gizmo, they all have names, I believe this is frank," said Evans as he showed off his tiny electric vehicle.

Dressing up is just a part of his quirky job.

"I have my sateen short shorts which provide speed and light reflection. The tights are just for professionalism. Oh the cape's just there so I look good," said Evans.

Evans attributes his speed to his getup.

"I probably wouldn't have been able to move nearly as quickly if I weren't in my full superhero gear," said Evans.

'Holy Strap On, Batwoman!' Purred Catwoman

2006-06-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

Batwoman Is Back As a Lesbian

from The Los Angeles Times via Clayton

NEW YORK — Years after she first emerged from the Batcave, Batwoman is coming out of the closet. DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year.

The 5-foot-10 superhero comes with flowing red hair, knee-high red boots with spiked heels, and a form-fitting black outfit.

"We decided to give her a different point of view," explained Dan DiDio, vice president and executive editor at DC. "We wanted to make her a more unique personality than others in the Bat-family. That's one of the reasons we went in this direction."

The original Batwoman was started in 1956, and killed off in 1979. The new character will share the same name as her original alter ego, Kathy Kane. And the new Batwoman arrives with ties to others in the Gotham City world.

"She's a socialite from Gotham high society," DiDio said. "She has some past connection with Bruce Wayne. And she's also had a past love affair with one of our lead characters, Renee Montoya."

Montoya, in the 52 comic book series, is a former police detective. Wayne, of course, is Batman's true identity - but he has disappeared, along with Superman and Wonder Woman, leaving Gotham a more dangerous place.

The 52 series is a collaboration of four acclaimed writers, with one episode per week for one year. The comics will introduce other diverse characters as the story plays out.

"This is not just about having a gay character," DiDio said. "We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe. We have strong African-American, Hispanic and Asian characters. We're trying to get a better cross-section of our readership and the world."

The outing of Batwoman created a furor of opinions on Web sites devoted to DC Comics. Opinions ranged from outrage to approval. Others took a more tongue-in-cheek approach to the announcement.

"Wouldn't ugly people as heroes be more groundbreaking?" asked one poster. "You know, 200-pound woman, man with horseshoe hair loss pattern, people with cold sores, etc.?"

DiDio asked that people wait until the new Batwoman's appearance in the series before they pass judgment.

"You know what? Judge us by the story and character we create," he said. "We are confident that we are telling a great story with a strong, complex character."

DiDio spent most of the morning fielding phone calls from media intrigued by the Batwoman reinvention.

"It's kind of weird," he said. "We had a feeling it would attract some attention, but we're a little surprised it did this much."

Adorablosaurus!

2006-06-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Midget Dinosaurs!

from Sploid

Scientists have discovered the remains of tiny dinosaurs in Germany, with some of the little monsters barely measuring 6 feet long!

Despite their dainty size, the mini-dinos are rocking the very foundations of paleontology.

The largest known dinosaurs - including the massive Argentinosaurus, Sauroposeidon and Brachiosaurus - are also from the sauropod family.

"We're talking here about a spectacular find, with skull material, which is very rare in sauropods," researcher Octavio Mateus said of the 150-million-year-old fossils.

The friendly vegetarian buddies stood about as tall as a modern-day horse, experts said.

They lived on islands in what is now Germany.

'God Is Not Necessary'

2006-06-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

So long as the universe had a beginning, we could suppose it had a creator. But if the universe is really completely self-contained, having no boundary or edge, it would have neither beginning nor end: it would simply be. What place, then, for a creator?

What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary.

Fellow Blasphemers: Angelina, Bjork, Carolla, Clarice, Diller, Einstein, Freud, Gates, Hawking, Hitchcock, Homer, Kal-El, Kirk, Leia, Linus, Lois, Lovejoy, Magneto, Padme, Penn, Stern, That 'Here in My Cars' Guy, Twain, and my Godless Wonder sidebar...

The Gushmaker!

2006-06-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

Diet Coke & Mentos Geyser

from Sploid

Two men in Maine have proven that the recipe for miraculous fun has only two ingredients: Diet Coke and Mentos.

In a three-minute video, Fritz Grobe and Stephen Voltz show how this simple food combination can create astonishing geysers of carbonated, sugary goodness. They set off 100 Diet Coke bottles in an elaborately choreographed display worthy of the Bellagio fountains.

Cerebro Mutant Profile 39663: Trinity

2006-06-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

A doctor inspects a 59-day-old baby boy who was born with three arms, at a hospital in Shanghai, in east China Monday, May 29, 2006. Doctors are checking the boy's physical condition before deciding whether to remove his third arm. (AP Photo)

Much Ado About Frodo

2006-05-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Hobbit or Human?

from Sploid

Spoilsport scientists have challenged the theory that the tiny skeleton from Indonesia dubbed the "Hobbit" is a new human species. Instead, they say that it may have been a modern human with a brain disorder.

The creature is believed to have stood just 3 feet tall, and had a brain the size of a chimp. Skeptical scientists say that's too small to give the brain power needed to create the tools found at the site.

"There is a fundamental problem of the tiny brain size combined with the sophisticated stone tools," according to biologist Professor Robert Martin.

Martin and his associates are claiming that the skull is not that of a newly-discovered but extinct species. Instead, they think it is a modern human afflicted with microcephaly, a genetic disorder which causes a smaller than normal brain and head size.

Meanwhile, the Aussie co-discoverer of the Hobbit has dismissed the criticism. Dr Peter Brown says the debunking scientists are making a big mistake in looking at just the one skeleton. As he points out, there are actually skeletal remains of multiple Hobbits from a range of different times, which would seem to rule out the brain disorder theory.

Martin's answer is that the other remains do not include a skull. "It's perfectly plausible that these were pygmy people," he says. "But there's only one skull, and that is human and microcephalic."

However, Brown claims there is other supporting evidence to back his claim which is being ignored, and says the reason why the Hobbit theory is coming under attack is simple - it challenges ingrained beliefs. "Some people see exactly what they want to see, for a variety of reasons," he explains.

The Hobbit has been a controversial discovery because scientists think the remains are from as little as 12,000 years ago, a time when Neanderthals and our other cousins had all died out. Its discoverers believe it may have lived in a miniature 'lost world', inhabited not only by Hobbit-sized people but also dwarf elephants. They also believe they may have been the first Australians.

Cryptozoologists and scientists alike have also suggested that the discovery of the creature may be a boost to the search for Bigfoot. Locals in the area have myths about short, furry people living in the jungle, much like modern America has myths about very tall, furry people.

"You pick a country and there's either large Bigfoot and Yetis, or small leprechauns and Yowies, depending on which part of the world you're in," says Brown. "On Flores there is a mythical human-like animal called Ebu Gogo, known for small body size, inarticulate speech and an unusual bipedal gait."

Even the editor of the prestigious journal Nature, Henry Gee agrees. "The discovery that Homo floresiensis survived until so very recently, in geological terms, makes it more likely that stories of other mythical, human-like creatures such as Yetis are founded on grains of truth," he says. "Now, cryptozoology, the study of such fabulous creatures, can come in from the cold."

Star Wars TV? Don't Hold Your Breath...

2006-05-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Star Wars Television Series Light Years Away

from Cinescape

In an interview with If Magazine, producer Rick McCallum mentioned that a Star Wars live action TV series appears to still be a ways away. The show will be set in between Episode III and Episode IV and contain all new characters.

"We're interviewing writers, and seeing a lot of people, but I would say it wouldn't be happening for about eighteen months," McCallum said. "Don't believe a single thing [you've heard]. It happens between Episode III and Episode IV. It will be all new characters. It will be the missing twenty-year period during Luke growing up. Think about bounty hunter, that's all I can tell you. It's no one else that you will know. It's really early stages, and we haven't sat down to decide what direction to go."

McCallum also mentioned that the animated Star Wars TV show was about a year away and would follow on from where Star Wars: Clone Wars left off.

Those Seven Minutes...

2006-05-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sounds Like Brundlefly Syndrome...If Their Genitals Drop Off, Be Afraid - Very Afraid

2006-05-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

Docs Won't Treat Horrible Illness

from Sploid

A horrific disease is eating its way across the South. It causes black beads of sweat, painful black hairs and tiny bugs to come out of your skin. If you're lucky you only suffer from open sores. It makes a staph infection seem like a picnic.

"It really has the makings of a horror movie in every way," says Ginger Savely, a nurse practitioner in Austin, Texas. She's one of the few people trying to help.

Morgellons Disease has been spreading across Texas, California and Florida of late. Nothing can stop it. More than 1,000 people report having the disease, despite skepticism from the medical community.

Leitao got the name from "A Letter to a Friend" by Sir Thomas Browne. In it Browne tells of "endemial distemper of children in Languedoc, called the morgellons, wherein they critically break out with harsh hairs on their backs."
The illness was named by Mary Leitao, a trained biologist and chemist, whose son was stricken in 2002.

To make matters worse, most doctors refuse to treat the mysterious ailment.

"They (doctors) told me I was just doing this to myself, that I was nuts. So basically I stopped going to doctors because I was afraid they were going to lock me up," sufferer Stephanie Bailey said.

Savely says she understands why.

"Believe me, if I just randomly saw one of these patients in my office, I would think they were crazy too," Savely said. "But after you've heard the story of over 100 (patients) and they're all -- down to the most minute detail -- saying the exact same thing, that becomes quite impressive."

Dr. Adelaide Hebert maintains that these folks are nuts.

"Many of these patients do have delusion of parasitosis," Dr. Hebert said. "It is actually not uncommon to have patients come in and describe the sensation that something is crawling on their skin."

But this arrogant dismissal doesn't address the sores or hairs or worms.

"I was so humiliated from the three doctors that I went to, that I just refused to go back," said on patient.